Opening of Misty Beethoven, The (1976)
*** (out of 4)
George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion is the inspiration for this porn film, which has been called the greatest ever by many critics and I'd have to agree. In the film a sexologist (Jamie Gills) picks up Misty Beethoven (Constance Money), a second rate slut who refuses to do anything but straight vaginal sex. With the help of a friend (Jacqueline Beaudant) Misty is taken back to a secret location where she's formed into someone who can perform at a lavish party. Yes, it's MY FAIR LADY porno style and it works. Having gone through many of the "classics" from this golden era of porn I had been led to believe that many of them were well acted, directed and featured good screenplays that would rival the normal movie playing in theaters at the time. This turned out to be wrong as most were better than your typical bump 'n grind flick but nothing else. This film, however, is actually good enough to where it could compete with a mainstream film. Not only do we get some good acting and directing but the screenplay is extremely smart as well. We get some very funny dialogue and the film is smart enough to even take a few pot shots at the people who would sit in a theater just to watch porn. There's a very funny sequence early on with Misty having to serve Napoleon in a theater and the people inside this place make for a few good laughs as well. We even get one guy who keeps losing his passion but Misty finally gets him to the bathroom where an elderly woman eventually walks in on them. There are countless scenes here that just work and most of it is due to the wonderful direction by Metzger who would not only helm this porn movie but countless mainstream flicks including the 1978 remake of THE CAT AND THE CANARY. Metzger has a masterful editing style that makes this film look so professional and it adds so much to the jokes. There's a terrific sequence where Misty is trying to learn to pleasure three people at the same time and he edits this against some other stuff going on and it just makes the joke so obvious and clear that you can't help but laugh. We even get some wonderful jokes aimed at stewardess and various types of things you can do or order on a plane. The acting in any porn film or softcore flick has never been better with Money giving a wonderful performance. You can believe her as this snotty, light hooker but we can also believe everything she's going through in terms of changing. Gills is also extremely fun as the know-it-all who must teach Misty what to do and when. The two have some wonderful chemistry together and how often do you say that in a porn flick? Even the supporting players handle their parts extremely well. Even though this film has a lot of plot it also features the most sex from any of these films from the period. I was surprised to see how much sex there was here but that wasn't a bad thing because it either worked as comedy or was very erotic in how it was shot. Typically I don't buy into reputations as I often find myself disagreeing to a certain extent but I think the reputation of this film is right on the mark. It's smart, sexy, witty and just downright fun to watch so it being called the best porn flick is probably true but it's certainly recommend.
*** (out of 4)
George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion is the inspiration for this porn film, which has been called the greatest ever by many critics and I'd have to agree. In the film a sexologist (Jamie Gills) picks up Misty Beethoven (Constance Money), a second rate slut who refuses to do anything but straight vaginal sex. With the help of a friend (Jacqueline Beaudant) Misty is taken back to a secret location where she's formed into someone who can perform at a lavish party. Yes, it's MY FAIR LADY porno style and it works. Having gone through many of the "classics" from this golden era of porn I had been led to believe that many of them were well acted, directed and featured good screenplays that would rival the normal movie playing in theaters at the time. This turned out to be wrong as most were better than your typical bump 'n grind flick but nothing else. This film, however, is actually good enough to where it could compete with a mainstream film. Not only do we get some good acting and directing but the screenplay is extremely smart as well. We get some very funny dialogue and the film is smart enough to even take a few pot shots at the people who would sit in a theater just to watch porn. There's a very funny sequence early on with Misty having to serve Napoleon in a theater and the people inside this place make for a few good laughs as well. We even get one guy who keeps losing his passion but Misty finally gets him to the bathroom where an elderly woman eventually walks in on them. There are countless scenes here that just work and most of it is due to the wonderful direction by Metzger who would not only helm this porn movie but countless mainstream flicks including the 1978 remake of THE CAT AND THE CANARY. Metzger has a masterful editing style that makes this film look so professional and it adds so much to the jokes. There's a terrific sequence where Misty is trying to learn to pleasure three people at the same time and he edits this against some other stuff going on and it just makes the joke so obvious and clear that you can't help but laugh. We even get some wonderful jokes aimed at stewardess and various types of things you can do or order on a plane. The acting in any porn film or softcore flick has never been better with Money giving a wonderful performance. You can believe her as this snotty, light hooker but we can also believe everything she's going through in terms of changing. Gills is also extremely fun as the know-it-all who must teach Misty what to do and when. The two have some wonderful chemistry together and how often do you say that in a porn flick? Even the supporting players handle their parts extremely well. Even though this film has a lot of plot it also features the most sex from any of these films from the period. I was surprised to see how much sex there was here but that wasn't a bad thing because it either worked as comedy or was very erotic in how it was shot. Typically I don't buy into reputations as I often find myself disagreeing to a certain extent but I think the reputation of this film is right on the mark. It's smart, sexy, witty and just downright fun to watch so it being called the best porn flick is probably true but it's certainly recommend.