Review of Sex Pot

Sex Pot (2009 Video)
1/10
Above and beyond anything The Asylum has ever done
13 July 2010
Warning: Spoilers
As an avid collector of the Asylum's works, I was quite excited to come across their vision of a comedy, since usually the films they rip off are more sci-fi or action. Sex Pot is apparently designed to cash in on the recent stoner films that revolve around Seth Rogen's characters IE Pineapple Express and Knocked Up, but inevitably have nothing in common with such relative comedic masterpieces.

The Asylum probably watched a few of the American Pie straight-to-DVD movies for inspiration and assumed all teen comedies are jam-packed with sex, drugs and jokes, and to their credit, Sex Pot is 100% full of sex and...no, that's...really about it. They probably thought that it'll be fine if they leave the comedy out as long as they compensate by sticking the most amount of gratuitous and unnecessary boobs into every moment possible. Literally within a few seconds of pressing 'play' I was looking at a pair of breasts, it was a very odd sensation as evidently I didn't realise Sex Pot was porn.

To be honest, this might just be the perfect film for young men aching to see a bevy of naked women writhing around for their pleasure without having to go through the ordeal of buying ACTUAL pornographic material.

Seriously, this film is so obsessed with boobs and sex that it's insulting to watch. I don't remember being like that when I was a teenager, let alone any of my friends, even the ones who were the most obsessed with sex. In fact even the most obnoxious people I know aren't as bad as the two protagonists in Sex Pot.

First, we have the oddly named 'Spanky' (real name Josh or something normal like that) who never actually reveals why he chose his idiotic nickname and will happily tongue the air while in the car with his family while he fantasises about some cheap hussy who is quite clearly a porn actress who's down on her luck. He's a complete no-hoper and utterly impossible to relate to. The main character is meant to be resilient, spunky and likable. Not in Sex Pot! Secondly we have...confident Fat Character whose name temporarily escapes me despite the fact I'm currently on IMDb and could very easily check with little effort. This film just isn't worth it. Fat Character is evidently the 'funny' one and the more sexually experienced of the duo. He knows what women want and where to find pot, which is pretty much all the life skills he needs to live the dream in whatever alternate universe Sex Pot is set in. Frankly I admire him, he knows that women just want to get drunk, stoned and f***ed, and in this film they do!

Sex Pot is incredibly chauvinistic, sexist and an insult to any woman who comes into contact with it, and most men! In Sex Pot, all the female characters are literally waiting for any opportunity to whip their clothes off and submit themselves to their male masters. In fact in one memorable scene when our heroes take their gorilla excrement-covered car(!) to get washed by some lovely ladies, said busty beauties actually rub their bikini-clad bosoms against the filthy car. Against gorilla s***. Their BREASTS. Is that funny? Is that what the kids want to see nowadays? Good lord.

Another classic scene goes like this: After Spanky and Fat Character sneak out onto the window ledge of their sexy neighbours (who spend their days bending over in just the right position so as to be seen by anyone who might look through the keyhole *SPOILER ALERT!*) they're caught red-handed and INVITED IN (Albeit after a quick poop-joke done before and better by about 100 teen comedies). Invited in, by the hot women they were peeping at. Who proceed to bust out some rampant, spontaneous and predictable lesbianism so as to entertain their male guests. Just like real women!

There is a plot in there somewhere, although it doesn't matter. Here goes...Spanky and Fat Character find some cannabis that makes them extremely horny. So horny that Spanky even makes sweet awkward love to a bagel in his sexual rage ("I'm f***ing a bagel!"), and Fat Character rubs his face vigorously into a piece of watermelon. Just like real (horny) men! I mean, sex IS rubbing your face in watermelon isn't it?

They...try and get girls to smoke it with them, or something, and end up bumping into blah blah blah whatever. Some things happen, these two idiots are inexplicably rewarded for their exploits and get the happy ending that nobody in the film deserves.

In conclusion, Sex Pot is an absolute masterpiece and deserves to be remembered, because it has performed a service to me personally. Firstly it has given me the perfect drinking game, IE do a shot every time you see a pair of breasts. You'll have passed out within 15 minutes. OR, if you can really handle your drink, do a shot for EVERY BOOB YOU SEE. If you survive the night then I salute you!

Secondly, it's made every terrible film I've ever seen become slightly better in my mind. Sex Pot is such a catastrophic failure in every way it's even painful to watch by people who pride themselves on their enjoyment of bad films, people such as myself.

I frickin' LOVED Sex Pot though. It's everything I wanted and more. My flatmate and I watched it and I was in hysterics for weeks after, but not for the right reasons, whereas he now sees a therapist for his pain. HIGHLIGHT: Spanky and Fat Character want to get seriously messed up, so look in the fridge to find...a measly 2 beers. But they react like they've been raised to think a beer is something you're allowed to sip every month, whereas this is a whole beer each, EACH! JACKPOT!

Just like real teenagers!
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