Review of Uncovered

Uncovered (1994)
5/10
Beckinsale's rack and Michael Gough as a Spaniard
3 August 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Watching this film will leave you with two impressions.

1. There are no Spanish people in Spain.

2. Kate Beckinsale had quite a perky bosom in the mid 90s.

Set in Barcelona, this story concerns a young art restorer named Julia (Kate Beckinsale) who is working on a 500 year old painting for her art dealer friend Menchu (Sinead Cusack). Julia discovers a secret message hidden within the painting about a murder half a millennia ago. Julia's efforts to unravel this ancient mystery involve her old art professor and lover Alvaro (Art Malik), her longtime guardian and prissy British homosexual Cesar (John Wood) and a streetwise chess hustler named Domenec (Paudge Behan). Julia also has to deal with Don Manual (Michael Gough), the terminally ill owner of the painting, his niece Lola (Helen McCrory) and her sexual predator of a husband Max (Peter Wingfield). But as she solves the riddle secreted within the painting, people suddenly start dying around Julia in a fashion that seems to be a continuation of the murder 500 years ago. I'd say that Julia then has to race against time to find the killer, but nothing in this movie ever moves faster than a leisurely walk.

If you want to know what Uncovered is like, imagine an extra long episode of the public television program Mystery! where Kate Beckinsale gets naked. That's an almost perfect description of this film and I'm sure it would be a big hit during pledge week. If those sort of British mysteries are your thing, you'll probably like this movie a great deal. If not, well…you still might like seeing Beckinsale's boobs, but there's not much else here for you.

The only other interesting thing, besides Beckinsale's sweet rack, is that even though the story is set in Spain, there are no Spanish people in it. Now, you could accept that everything in the movie happens within the British expatriate community in Barcelona. However, that doesn't excuse trying to pass off Michael Gough as the supposed last survivor of a Spanish family that traces its lineage back for centuries. Gough beats out Charlton Heston in Touch of Evil for the title of "Least Spanish Spaniard in Cinematic History". I look more Spanish than Michael Gough.

I should also caution you that even though Uncovered is about two separate mysteries, there's nothing all that mysterious about either of them. There aren't a bunch of clues in the story that you can notice and figure out who committed either the ancient killing or the modern slayings. The answers are just sort of presented to the audience.

Uncovered is definitely a case of "You'll like it, if you like that sort of thing". That sort of thing being, in this case, British mysteries and/or Kate Beckinsale's breasts.
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