4/10
Penis vs. brain
3 June 2011
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is kind of a tough call. On the one hand, it's made with all the grace and style of a retarded chipmunk. On the other hand, it features a lot of attractive women in a state of nearly perpetual nudity. So, watching Stripteaser II is like that Seinfeld episode with the chess match between the penis and the brain.

Marty (Rick Jordan) is a cab driver who throws around money like he's independently wealthy and looks disturbingly like Chris Benoit, that pro wrestler who killed his wife and child and then himself. Marty's sister ran away from home and he's been searching for her in L.A. strip clubs. He meets his generically sleazy friend Reilly (Kevin Reilly) in one topless club and learns about a more secretive establishment upstairs.

Meanwhile, club owner Daphne (Kim Dawson) and her boyfriend/manager/dickweed Nick (Matt Preston) dragoon a young girl named Angie (Stacey Leigh Mobley) into stripping at the club to pay off her father's debt. Nick wants Angie to just be a stripper, but Daphne wants her to work upstairs. Eventually Marty slips on a leather hood, makes his way upstairs to see Angie being lamely tortured and helps her escape.

After a car chase so pathetic it gets laughed at by all the car chases from the last season of The A-Team, Marty and Angie both wind up back at the club and the movie takes an inexplicable left hand turn into horror and somebody gets their head cut off. Then Stripteaser II ends and it feels like they simply ran out of money before they could shoot the last 10 pages of script.

This film is eminently bad in almost every way. Marty is supposed to be a guy looking for his missing sister, but Rick Jordan acts like he's in a beer commercial. There's almost no plot to this thing. There's a beginning and an ending with about a hour of pointlessly treading water in between. As the story winds down, it coughs up back-to-back dream sequences. One is for a supporting character and the other appears to be for the main character in a different movie. Screenwriter Alanzon Alfonzo, who should rent his name out to soap opera villains, must have one wicked case of ADHD because he can't keep straight what he's written from one page to the next. All director Karl Ernest apparently knows how to do is point the camera in the right direction. I mean, there's not a minute of this thing that has any cinematic value.

However, Stripteaser II has a lot of naked women. A lot of naked women with large, natural breasts. There is one skinny skank with a nipple ring so large you can't look at it without being afraid it's going to catch on something, but the rest of the bare babes in here are…well, babes. And they're nude all the time. It's not 10 or 15 seconds of skin here or there. They're unclothed for 2, 3, 4 minutes at a time.

This is an honestly ghastly movie with an honestly impressive amount of female flesh on display. If your penis hasn't just checkmated your brain but made it tap out in the UFC octagon, Stripteaser II might be for you. If your brain is still in charge, skip this mess and watch the original Stripteaser. It has far less nudity, but compensates for that by being a surprisingly good motion picture.
1 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed