Lake Dead (2007)
1/10
I joined IMDb just to write a review for this movie.
27 January 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Ever start watching a movie and from the first five minutes, you can tell whether it'll be good or not? I had this feeling while watching Lake Dead as the first kill of the movie was so bad, I teared up from laughing so much. Only in the movies can a guy take a buckshot to the neck and still managed to cuss his assailant out. From this, viewers could foresee Lake Dead as being one of the "bad" horror movies which are comedies in disguise. Unfortunately, this movie is just bad.

In essence, what viewers can look forward to seeing here is torture violence akin to that of "The Hills Have Eyes" or "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". However, Lake Dead falls short in many different ways. Firstly, the film consists of unremarkable characters, leaving viewers indifferent about who lives and who dies. The main players here are Brielle, the useless protagonist, Ben, her husband who literally does everything, Amy, Brielle's best friend and the dumbest woman on the planet, Bill, her adulterous boyfriend who practically cheats right in front of her, John, Brielle's granddad who is among the worst grandparents ever and the duo Sheriff Chuck and Gloria who play roles in the most frustratingly obvious twist I have seen in awhile.

Secondly, the deaths in this movie range from okay to infuriating. This is thanks largely to a lack of imagination and purpose. Seriously folks, I know that many complain about obscenities such as rape being excessive and pointless in films, but it really shows here. While the irony of the adulterous girl Tanya being raped is understandable, it was unnecessary and did it really have to be after she was impaled to a tree? Such an obvious ploy to shock audiences is in a word, lame. Most of the other deaths in Lake Dead are frustrating because the characters are just so acquiescent. I mean Bill (the cheating boyfriend) doesn't even put up a fight.

Lastly, the plot and plot twist of the movie which inspired this review. Let's break this down: how many horror movies feature cops and superficially nice old ladies who are actually the bad guys? Okay, how many of them are part of families with homicidal tendencies? Finally, how many of those families like incest? It amazes me how many horror movies go this route. It's like an unofficial law or something: horror movie in the south? You gotta have some rape and incest in there. Oh, and make sure that the killers just wail all the time. That's awesome. I will give credit to Grandpa John though for saying the most hilariously awful catchphrase ever. If you decide to stomach this movie, this line will be your payoff.

Lake Dead is at its core, a dreadful homage to infinitely greater movies, failing to engross the audience with its predictable plot and cheap scare and shock tactics. I can honestly say I have seen horror movies with a lower budget do much more. Leave this one alone. Let it fade from history. Seriously, how in the world does this movie have 4 stars?
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