I, the Jury (1982)
5/10
Eye The Babes.
6 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
At the end of the novel, Mike Hammer's tough-as-nails private investigator enfolds a beautiful woman in his arms. They kiss. He shoots her in the belly. She backs away, astonished, and before she collapses she asks, "How could you?" "It was easy," replies Mike. These were the single most celebrated lines in pulp literature in 1953.

The plot is torturous. Mike's old friend is murdered and this provides Mike with the revenge motive that propels him through the rest of the story, which has some sort of sex institute operating as a brainwashing tool of the CIA for the purpose of creating sex fiends who murder the agency's enemies and make it look like the work of a sex fiend which, in a way, it is. I told you it was complicated.

But it deserves a few observations. One is that Barbara Carerra, an aristocratic looking ex-model and ex Miss South American Continent, looks perfectly beautiful, especially when completely and unashamedly nude. Shooting her was a mortal sin and Mike Hammer's soul should roast in hell. It doesn't matter that she was a treacherous, murdering, domineering nymphomaniac. Some men might enjoy just those properties in a woman. De gustibus non disputandum est.

Another is that Mike Hammer, incarnated here by Armand Assante, is the luckiest man alive. Everybody who shoots at him misses. And, man, do they shoot at him -- with M-16s and Uzis and other weapons. They try to electrocute him. They blow him up with mines. Yet he always escapes. And when he has an opportunity to shoot BACK you can bet HE never misses.

The police can't be trusted. Only Mike's secretary, Velda, she of the long and lustrous blond tresses can be trusted. She's played by Laurene Landon, who is a paragon of beauty but who can't act, not that it matters.

Many of the action scenes, and they are here in abundance, are in the slow motion that was fashionable at the time. They entered their decadent period years ago. I blame Sam Pekinpah for their persistence.

Armand Assante is the best performer in the film, even if the film itself is tripe. Second Best award goes to Judson Earney Scott, a magnetic actor, as the sex-driven, twisted madman. You can't take your eyes off the guy. He resembles Peter Greene, another very convincing villain.
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