What makes The Barbarians awesome? I don't know where to begin. Perhaps one need look no further than the cast list. Look at those names! Gore! Canary! Dirtmaster! Fat Woman! Ghedo - Strongman! If those names alone don't make you want to see this movie, then you should just stick a finger down your throat in the hopes that you can purge yourself of whatever vile substance it is that prevents you from being awesome. This movie is frankly so soaking wet with kickassery, that I want to describe every bit of it. Instead I'll give a summary of the opening action sequence. An utterly synthtastic soundtrack chimes and this is where the film dares you not to conjure the image of a hair metal band on horseback with each master wearing neon spandex and brandishing swords of steel. The narrator tells us that this is an age in which man, woman and child are ruled by the sword! He says that this is a world of savage splendor. One imagines a time when upon delivering a newborn baby, the doctor would cut the umbilical chord with a battle ax. We see just how savage this world is when a traveling band of entertainers are set upon by jealous brutes, intent on expressing their intolerance for fruity circus folk. But these barbaric bullies are in for a rude awakening. It turns out that this is a time when theater geeks fight back. One after the other, the fiendish foes go down as they learn they are no match for the likes of the fire-breather and some Pee-Wee-Herman-looking guy who throws an explosive crystal ball. They even pull out an awesome crossbow that fires some kind of horse-tripper. And it does just that. I could go on, but I'm about to have a glorious orgasm simply from recalling the awesomeness. Anyway, you can watch the whole thing on youtube.
Review of The Barbarians
