Criminal Law (1988)
1/10
painful to sit through
16 September 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I picked this movie because I was in the mood for a crime thriller, and I love Gary Oldman and Kevin Bacon. I thought it was weird that I had never heard of this movie, but now I can see why.

Kevin Bacon actually delivers in his usual role as a creepy rapist, and Gary Oldman is not bad considering what he had to work with. I did have to snort at some of his overwrought intensity, but it did not really seem like that was his fault as much as the filmmakers.

I felt annoyed with the movie as soon as the Nietzsche quote appeared in the beginning, it struck me as pretty cliché. Then Oldman did his whole "clear" thing with the glass of water and I was like... OK that was a pointless prop, he's showing the jury that water is clear just like the facts? That's pretty dumb. But as dumb as the movie was presenting itself to be, it was truly I who was dumb, thinking that with Oldman and Bacon this was still going to be a good movie.

The dumbest thing about the movie is that the majority of scenes are completely pointless or make no sense. First of all, the entire premise is stupid. Why did rich attorney Oldman go wandering around in the woods in the rain looking for Bacon in the first place, just because he called him? Why did he run to find someone instead of just using the phone in his car? Why did he go to the extent of becoming his lawyer just to get a special "in" on him? The majority of the film is Oldman brooding and snooping around on his own, little time is actually focused on the relationship which is supposed to be the whole point of his scheme. Why wouldn't the police have figured out right away that all the victims had been treated by the prime suspect's mother, something that would have shown up in medical records? Even many small scenes had me going, wait, what? For example, Oldman goes to Bacon's house, presumably to meet him... snoops around the room until he gets caught by the mom and then he just leaves... so why was he there in the first place?? Why does he meet up with the cop lady in a playground with milk and cookies? Why does he imagine that he is having sex with Bacon's character, honestly?? And why does the mom try to protect the son who is raping and murdering her patients??? And what was the point of even having the old man character? And why does Oldman visit him randomly in the hospital??? That was so random... like, here's this old man you saw for two seconds in the beginning for no reason, and oh yeah he's in the hospital for a few more seconds, because why not.. And I had kind of zoned out by the end, but how did Bacon even get into the courtroom alone with Oldman with a gun just by firing a few shots??

I will say there was some interesting camera work and cool set design.

But the most unbearable thing is the amount of dialogue. The few minutes of Bacon being menacing are actually scary, but the majority of the movie is just people talking. Talking, talking, talking with no plot development. But whatever, it's not like film is a visual medium or anything.

I like how the film ended pointlessly with Oldman just walking out of the room... because I did not have the energy to sit through an attempt at an actual ending anyway. It was actually better with no ending because at least it was over sooner!!!
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