The Baby (1973)
1/10
Awful Movie that Does Not Work Even as Camp
8 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I had completely forgotten this movie, which I first saw on television at least thirty years ago, until God only knows why it popped up on Turner Classic Movies.

Presumably TCM considers this a "cult classic" and there are those who would agree, but I think that is just too generous. A lurid horror tale about a social worker (Anjanette Comer) who takes on the case of a family that is probably the textbook definition of "weird," assuming there is one, the story is stupid beyond belief, most of the acting is terrible, and the whole mess is just so...well, weird (I know I keep returning to that word but it's the only one that fits) that halfway through I confess I simply tuned out.

The weird family in question consists of a matriarch (Ruth Roman), her two daughters (Marianna Hill and Suzanne Zenor), and the youngest child, a grown man (David Manzy) who apparently never progressed mentally out of babyhood; the film tries without much success to make the case that this only son was deliberately stunted by his family. Among the hints the film drops is the sisters' habit of abusing the kid with a cattle prod.

Now, some of my favorite movies are really really bad: THE EVIL DEAD, THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, HALLOWEEN III SEASON OF THE WITCH, just to name a few (and I doubt it is a coincidence that they are all horror movies). But I wasn't able to have any fun at all with this one. Ruth Roman makes an impression as one of the weirdest screen mothers of all time, but the movie is a terrible mess of weird ideas just thrown at the screen like overcooked pasta: no sauce and no taste. What makes the movies I mentioned above work is that there's usually at least ONE character in the mix that represents the "norm," an average person who finds him/herself trapped in a nightmare. Unfortunately, in THE BABY, the social worker, who SHOULD have represented sanity, is just as weird as the rest of the cast; this gives the actors playing the weird family nothing to play against. And it does not help that the acting by Marianna Hill and Suzanne Zenor as the daughters is several levels below high school drama club.

I don't know what possessed Ruth Roman to appear in this Godawful piece of crap, but watching the film I can't help wondering if afterward she did not wish she had gone down with the Andrea Doria.

I've seen some garbage come out of Hollywood, but this takes the cake.
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