Secret Window (2004)
5/10
Spoilers… what spoilers?
3 November 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I've ticked the 'spoilers' box, but this review doesn't really contain any spoilers: that's because even a total numb-nuts with the IQ of a flannel could figure out that Johnny Depp's character in Secret Window is a few sandwiches short of a picnic—a schizophrenic whose damaged psyche has created a murderous alter-ego. It's a twist telegraphed so clearly right from the start that it's almost impossible to spoil, although further evidence of Depp's nuttiness is liberally sprinkled throughout for those living vegetables that might struggle with such an oft-used plot device.

I've not read it yet, but I imagine that the novella from which this film has been adapted—Stephen King's Secret Window, Secret Garden—bears little resemblance to this film. Writer/director David Koepp's script lacks sophistication and finesse, as does his direction, and despite the involvement of a terrific cast, his film is quite the embarrassment, complete with numerous dumb plot turns and woeful CGI trickery. As a fan of bad movies, I actually had quite a bit of fun with this, particularly with Depp's typically quirky performance (hence my middling score of 5/10), but I wouldn't blame King if he sought out all those involved, killed their dog, torched their home, stuck a screwdriver in their head and buried them in his garden as a warning to others!
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