Teeth (I) (2007)
2/10
Lacking substance
9 May 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Warning spoilers So in this movie the 'naive' Dawn is sitting in her bathroon soaking her high school text book page to take off the gold paper that was placed on the image of the female sexual organ. Why wouldn't she just look it up on the internet as she moments later starts looking up teethed vagina finds the name of her condition - as if it was a real thing and common. Oh the acting in that scene was one of the worst I've ever seen.

She sees a doctor, who happens to start screaming out her condition after he lost 4 fingers in the examination. The doctor is not seen or heard of again. The police are not after her, it's as if nothing happened.

Look the movie is too long, how much story line can you really achieve from this plot. This would make a perfectly fine 30 minute Tales of the Crept episode.

The main character Dawn is initially shocked and disturbed by her "curse" and in her most 'scared state' runs to a guys house she barely knows rather than her female 'best' friend or to her father that she is very close with apparently.

She then lets a guy sleep with her and says "I can't believe you're not dead" - so she was happy to risk sleeping with him to test the theory of finding a hero to rescue her vagina. She then starts enjoying sex, but this man turns out he didn't sleep with her because he liked her but to settle a bet, so the writers think he deserves his manhood cut off? Sure, he isn't a gentlemen but she knew him for a whole 5 minutes. I guess the story line is if you regret sleeping with someone then they should have their parts cut off. Hmm..

Then, she figures well I've mutilated so many people without being caught why not my step brother. Now although her brother again not the nicest person in the world, but deserving of such punishment..hmm no. The movie takes a turn for the worse at this point. As the main character now uses sex as a weapon to get away with mutilation and murder. She becomes judge and jury. The writers were a bit confused as the Mum says "were lucky to have both our kids" at the start of the movie so she understands although her son has some issues he is young and she still loves him. That is ignored by the main character who blames her step-brother when her mum dies. Where was she when her mum was calling for help? Nice way to deflect blame. I could maybe understand the move if he murdered his mum.

I am female and I felt bad for the male characters. I've watched a lot of movies where I've rooted for the "good guy" who kills and or tortures the bad guys, but these characters were not really 'bad enough' to justify the punishment and I guess I felt bad for them. Dawn is really the villain.

Also the acting, writing and music was not really that good.
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