I'm a firm believer in an entering every film I watch with an open mind, regardless of whether or not it's regarded as one of the greatest films of all time or is one of the worst reviewed films ever made. Contrary to the idea that people think I enter some films more contentiously than others, what purpose is their for me to walk into a film with the mentality to dislike it? That's a waste of my precious time and money. I'll voice my expectations based on the trailer and promotional details that I see, but when it comes time to walk down the lengthy theater aisles to find a seat, press play on the DVD, or hit "confirm purchase" on Pay-Per-View, you can bet I'm ready to be entertained and spend my next hour and a half or two hours enjoying what I'm viewing.
With that being said, upon sitting through the first ten minutes of Vampire Academy, the latest teen movie that clearly had hopes of becoming the next big young adult franchise but fell well short of expectations, it was hard to maintain optimism much longer, but I tried. By thirty minutes, I was lost in the film's wooden dialog and variety of underdeveloped subplots, and by the hour mark, it was a struggle to stay awake. This is not only one of the worst films of 2014 just because of the fact that it takes a potentially interesting subject that could've been made to house some hilarious satire on teenagers and makes the material about as bland as a day-old bowl of oatmeal.
The film concerns a seventeen-year-old human/vampire hybrid (also known as a "Dhampir") Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch) and her friend Lissa Dragomir (Lucy Fry), who is a peaceful, mortal vampire (also known as a "Moroi"). The two escaped from their boarding school two years prior to where we see them now and are trying to live in our world as peacefully and as nonchalantly as they can. By a twisted turn of events, they are brought back to the Academy and realize that the vampire academy they left doesn't seem so different from the regular high school experience, with rumors, backstabbing, lies, cheating, and so on all taking place as prevalently as ever. While trying to combat these malevolent forces, Rose also finds herself attracted to her Dhampir mentor by the name of Dimitri Belikov (Danila Kozlovsky).
Such a premise - on paper - sounds as if it is establishing the building blocks for a wickedly funny and relevant satire on teenage convention; almost like a Mean Girls for a more artistic or mainstream crowd. However, it's a true shame that writer Daniel Waters sells the material short (or, given that it's based off a book, maybe it's not entirely his fault and he's staying true to source material) and concocts a dreary and overlong soap-opera that feels like Dark Shadows without half the wit or character-interest. In addition, Daniel Waters juggles so many different subplots here and characters, that all maintain the depth of the shallow end of the swimming pool, that it's easy to get lost in the shuffle of "Dhampirs" and "Morois" and other such trivial nonsense.
Then there's the fact that the film is just not funny to boot. There's nothing worse than a bad movie than a bad movie that is boring and not funny. Vampire Academy runs for only one-hundred and four minutes which, when watching a fantastic film like Inside Llewyn Davis races past, feels like twice that length in this case. Dialog just exists, not really to spark a laugh or make the audience think, but similar to the dialog on loathsome daytime soap operas where it simply exists to exist.
One trend I'm tiring of with Hollywood and it's manufactured teen films, giving us what they assume we like rather than what we want is that for every great film we get that deals with teens (The First Time, Mean Girls, or Pitch Perfect to name a few) and growing up and fitting in, we must endure several lackluster ones, many of which trying to assemble new franchises with the worst possible products bearing the worst marketing campaigns (The Host and The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones) come to mind.
Vampire Academy was directed by writer Daniel Waters' brother Mark, who's career has been an up-and-down affair with directorial projects like Freaky Friday and Mr. Popper's Penguins popping up in there alongside the ingenuous and honest film Mean Girls, that every teenage girl in suburbia seems to treasure. Even those can quote Mean Girls like a Christian can quote Bible verses wouldn't bat their eyelashes at Vampire Academy, and for once, I don't plan on calling out their opposition or their ignorance.
Starring: Zoey Deutch, Lucy Fry, and Dimitri Kozlovsky. Directed by: Mark Waters.
With that being said, upon sitting through the first ten minutes of Vampire Academy, the latest teen movie that clearly had hopes of becoming the next big young adult franchise but fell well short of expectations, it was hard to maintain optimism much longer, but I tried. By thirty minutes, I was lost in the film's wooden dialog and variety of underdeveloped subplots, and by the hour mark, it was a struggle to stay awake. This is not only one of the worst films of 2014 just because of the fact that it takes a potentially interesting subject that could've been made to house some hilarious satire on teenagers and makes the material about as bland as a day-old bowl of oatmeal.
The film concerns a seventeen-year-old human/vampire hybrid (also known as a "Dhampir") Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch) and her friend Lissa Dragomir (Lucy Fry), who is a peaceful, mortal vampire (also known as a "Moroi"). The two escaped from their boarding school two years prior to where we see them now and are trying to live in our world as peacefully and as nonchalantly as they can. By a twisted turn of events, they are brought back to the Academy and realize that the vampire academy they left doesn't seem so different from the regular high school experience, with rumors, backstabbing, lies, cheating, and so on all taking place as prevalently as ever. While trying to combat these malevolent forces, Rose also finds herself attracted to her Dhampir mentor by the name of Dimitri Belikov (Danila Kozlovsky).
Such a premise - on paper - sounds as if it is establishing the building blocks for a wickedly funny and relevant satire on teenage convention; almost like a Mean Girls for a more artistic or mainstream crowd. However, it's a true shame that writer Daniel Waters sells the material short (or, given that it's based off a book, maybe it's not entirely his fault and he's staying true to source material) and concocts a dreary and overlong soap-opera that feels like Dark Shadows without half the wit or character-interest. In addition, Daniel Waters juggles so many different subplots here and characters, that all maintain the depth of the shallow end of the swimming pool, that it's easy to get lost in the shuffle of "Dhampirs" and "Morois" and other such trivial nonsense.
Then there's the fact that the film is just not funny to boot. There's nothing worse than a bad movie than a bad movie that is boring and not funny. Vampire Academy runs for only one-hundred and four minutes which, when watching a fantastic film like Inside Llewyn Davis races past, feels like twice that length in this case. Dialog just exists, not really to spark a laugh or make the audience think, but similar to the dialog on loathsome daytime soap operas where it simply exists to exist.
One trend I'm tiring of with Hollywood and it's manufactured teen films, giving us what they assume we like rather than what we want is that for every great film we get that deals with teens (The First Time, Mean Girls, or Pitch Perfect to name a few) and growing up and fitting in, we must endure several lackluster ones, many of which trying to assemble new franchises with the worst possible products bearing the worst marketing campaigns (The Host and The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones) come to mind.
Vampire Academy was directed by writer Daniel Waters' brother Mark, who's career has been an up-and-down affair with directorial projects like Freaky Friday and Mr. Popper's Penguins popping up in there alongside the ingenuous and honest film Mean Girls, that every teenage girl in suburbia seems to treasure. Even those can quote Mean Girls like a Christian can quote Bible verses wouldn't bat their eyelashes at Vampire Academy, and for once, I don't plan on calling out their opposition or their ignorance.
Starring: Zoey Deutch, Lucy Fry, and Dimitri Kozlovsky. Directed by: Mark Waters.