"My name is Daniel Lugo, and I believe in fitness." So begins the latest Michael Bay trashfest in the most Michael Bay way possible: jacked on glistening testosterone, violent camera-work and glorious slo-mo. It's a sign of things to come in Pain & Gain and, in a strange sort of way, the crazed director's stubbornness in blocking out the haters and sticking with a winning formula is almost admirable. But anyone who feels that Hollywood lost its last shred of cinematic integrity a long time ago doesn't need any further convincing from this self-indulgent garbage.
Based on a true story (no, really), we follow ambitious bodybuilder Daniel (Wahlberg), who feels like life has cut him a tough break and that he deserves his slice of the warped American dream. While working as a personal trainer for the wealthy and arrogant Victor (Tony Shalhoub), Daniel hatches a foolproof plan – with the help of fellow musclemen Paul (Dwayne Johnson) and Adrian (Anthony Mackie) – to kidnap and extort Victor. The execution half goes to plan, until Victor enlists the help of a retired PI (Ed Harris) to track down the trio, who have since fallen deep into the abyss of criminal excess.
The film is not slow, per se, but it simply rambles on care of some borderline schizophrenic storytelling. Everyone who's anyone gets their own tacky voice-over narration, the character arcs traverse into ludicrous territory, and the two hour runtime feels much like the final superset of an all-day workout: it can't come fast enough. By the end of a mentally – and even somewhat physically – exhausting watch, the film feels like a dream sequence; you roll with the punches while it's happening, but once you've regained consciousness and spent two minutes thinking about it, it's clear that absolutely nothing made sense.
Perhaps the biggest disappointment here is the butchering of the subject matter. The true story is an absorbing one; a tale of high stakes investigation packed with real-life twists. There is nothing wrong with rehashing the facts and moving in a more comedic direction, but the whole experience eventually degrades into a point-and-laugh session directed towards the 'roid-head culture. Wahlberg's Lugo is the definition of an antihero: a man who does bad things but with good intentions. After taking what he wants from Victor, he's content to spend the rest of his life organising neighbourhood watches and pick-up basketball games, but the allure of one more job is too tempting – all of which is merely glossed over.
Australia's Rebel Wilson contributes nothing in a thankless and unfunny role, but the leading team's natural chemistry does draw a handful of laughs amidst the chaos. These moments of clarity are few and far between, though, drowned out by the incessant noise demanded by a project more concerned with panoramic beach sweeps and mind-boggling amounts of ass shots. His name is Michael Bay, and he doesn't believe in subtlety.
*There's nothing I love more than a bit of feedback, good or bad. So drop me a line on jnatsis@iprimus.com.au and let me know what you thought of my review. If you're looking for a writer for your movie website or other publication, I'd also love to hear from you.*
Based on a true story (no, really), we follow ambitious bodybuilder Daniel (Wahlberg), who feels like life has cut him a tough break and that he deserves his slice of the warped American dream. While working as a personal trainer for the wealthy and arrogant Victor (Tony Shalhoub), Daniel hatches a foolproof plan – with the help of fellow musclemen Paul (Dwayne Johnson) and Adrian (Anthony Mackie) – to kidnap and extort Victor. The execution half goes to plan, until Victor enlists the help of a retired PI (Ed Harris) to track down the trio, who have since fallen deep into the abyss of criminal excess.
The film is not slow, per se, but it simply rambles on care of some borderline schizophrenic storytelling. Everyone who's anyone gets their own tacky voice-over narration, the character arcs traverse into ludicrous territory, and the two hour runtime feels much like the final superset of an all-day workout: it can't come fast enough. By the end of a mentally – and even somewhat physically – exhausting watch, the film feels like a dream sequence; you roll with the punches while it's happening, but once you've regained consciousness and spent two minutes thinking about it, it's clear that absolutely nothing made sense.
Perhaps the biggest disappointment here is the butchering of the subject matter. The true story is an absorbing one; a tale of high stakes investigation packed with real-life twists. There is nothing wrong with rehashing the facts and moving in a more comedic direction, but the whole experience eventually degrades into a point-and-laugh session directed towards the 'roid-head culture. Wahlberg's Lugo is the definition of an antihero: a man who does bad things but with good intentions. After taking what he wants from Victor, he's content to spend the rest of his life organising neighbourhood watches and pick-up basketball games, but the allure of one more job is too tempting – all of which is merely glossed over.
Australia's Rebel Wilson contributes nothing in a thankless and unfunny role, but the leading team's natural chemistry does draw a handful of laughs amidst the chaos. These moments of clarity are few and far between, though, drowned out by the incessant noise demanded by a project more concerned with panoramic beach sweeps and mind-boggling amounts of ass shots. His name is Michael Bay, and he doesn't believe in subtlety.
*There's nothing I love more than a bit of feedback, good or bad. So drop me a line on jnatsis@iprimus.com.au and let me know what you thought of my review. If you're looking for a writer for your movie website or other publication, I'd also love to hear from you.*