In the 70s, I experienced a similar intensity as what is expressed in this film. Being saved in 1972 was not a panacea for me, although the initial awakening or quickening of my spirit, was indeed celebratory.
I knew I'd tapped into something special. At the same time, I had come from a broken home, a truly dysfunctional horror story, that left me in pieces. My endless patterns of faithfulness, like Bible reading and prayer, weren't a quick fix. Feelings and never-ending reminders of events held tightly to my thoughts and dreams. Well past my first year, then second, and even the tenth year of my "new" life, I continued to hurt, and all the promises in the Bible, no matter how often I spoke them, simply didn't make it go away.
Was there depression? Certainly there was, but it was more than that, because, even after I was saved, there remained a kind of toxicity inside and around me. I didn't feel like I belonged. The cliques in the church, I never fit into because I was a struggling, penniless college student who seldom had a dime in his pocket. I couldn't tithe; and so, the handshake that givers got when they walked in the door wasn't waiting for me.
Nevertheless, I gave what I knew, my ability to play an upright bass to help lead worship, and yet, no elder took me in, chose to mentor me, or understood my need. The prevailing doctrines told me that it was all about one's quantity of faith, and apparently, I had none. Among all those who believed that error, I continued in a kind of existential disconnect.
Like Rich, I found some help where God chose to lead me, to what is known by psychologists today as "inner child work". Through videos and books by John Bradshaw, I discovered the word "dysfunction" and its meaning, as well as the dynamics of the family. It was through that reading and listening that I began, slowly, to get in touch with that little hurting boy inside me. I learned to talk to him, to tell him things were going to be okay, that life was worth living.
So, pretty much, my story is what you'll see taking place in this film. I'm sure, even though the film is consistently gloomy, there will be those who relate to it. Some will sit hoping for an answer to their continuing scars.
Do as Rich did: start that conversation with the little kid inside. Tell him/her what should have been said long ago. Build yourself up by showing love to yourself.
I knew I'd tapped into something special. At the same time, I had come from a broken home, a truly dysfunctional horror story, that left me in pieces. My endless patterns of faithfulness, like Bible reading and prayer, weren't a quick fix. Feelings and never-ending reminders of events held tightly to my thoughts and dreams. Well past my first year, then second, and even the tenth year of my "new" life, I continued to hurt, and all the promises in the Bible, no matter how often I spoke them, simply didn't make it go away.
Was there depression? Certainly there was, but it was more than that, because, even after I was saved, there remained a kind of toxicity inside and around me. I didn't feel like I belonged. The cliques in the church, I never fit into because I was a struggling, penniless college student who seldom had a dime in his pocket. I couldn't tithe; and so, the handshake that givers got when they walked in the door wasn't waiting for me.
Nevertheless, I gave what I knew, my ability to play an upright bass to help lead worship, and yet, no elder took me in, chose to mentor me, or understood my need. The prevailing doctrines told me that it was all about one's quantity of faith, and apparently, I had none. Among all those who believed that error, I continued in a kind of existential disconnect.
Like Rich, I found some help where God chose to lead me, to what is known by psychologists today as "inner child work". Through videos and books by John Bradshaw, I discovered the word "dysfunction" and its meaning, as well as the dynamics of the family. It was through that reading and listening that I began, slowly, to get in touch with that little hurting boy inside me. I learned to talk to him, to tell him things were going to be okay, that life was worth living.
So, pretty much, my story is what you'll see taking place in this film. I'm sure, even though the film is consistently gloomy, there will be those who relate to it. Some will sit hoping for an answer to their continuing scars.
Do as Rich did: start that conversation with the little kid inside. Tell him/her what should have been said long ago. Build yourself up by showing love to yourself.