4/10
Dudikoff Turkey
3 May 2015
Warning: Spoilers
In a pre-9/11 world, some evil terrorists get a nuclear weapon. Of course, only the Freedom Strike team, led by Tom Dickson (Dudikoff) can stop them. They need to do this in a timely manner so President Mitchell (Karen) (whose first order of business as President surely was to inform us of all the great deals at your local PathMark) can broker a peace deal with the Syrians. This clearly won't happen without the presence of Tyler Haynes (Loc), a military officer deeply involved with the proceedings, and Maddie Reese (Waterman), a former SAS officer/love interest to Dickson. Meanwhile, there's some drama at yet another news station named ZNN. Will they be successful or will the military have to embark on Mission: Funky Cold Medina? Find out today... (actually, don't...) Well, sadly, this was the state of DTV in 1998. Just another soulless/mindless aircraft carrier and plane slog. As if it would excite any viewer anywhere, at the start of the movie, presumably to get us sucked in to the story, a bunch of characters sit at radar screens and some others are continually jawing about military mumbo-jumbo and coordinates and such. We're officially in the same sort of territory as Surface to Air (1998), Submerged (2005), Submarines (2003), and even Agent Red (2000) (like this, also an Andrew Stevens production. We're learning fast to avoid his stuff). And if you think the pacing picks up from there, you might as well sit back and get comfortable, because it's pretty tedious from here on out.

It's unfortunate that top fan favorite Dudikoff wouldn't have something better to do than this, but, on the flipside of that, if it wasn't for his presence - along with some classic Tone Loc - then we'd really be in trouble. Dudikoff does shoot a bunch of terrorists, which is nice, but he does minimal Martial Arts. The middle-east setting makes this a much worse Chain of Command (1994). There are some boring dogfights, and some - not green screen explosions, which would be bad enough - but some CD-ROM explosions. From what we remember, when you wash out while playing your flight simulator in 1994, this is what happens in this movie. Very regrettable. We've seen better explosions while calculating our taxes on TurboTax.

But that's what happened at the end of the millennium - the magic and weirdness of the 80's and some of the 90's was replaced by a predictable, overly-logical, and straight-ahead style with no room for the offbeat in any way. Maybe that would be different if it wasn't an Andrew Stevens production chock full of stock footage of airplanes flying around and whatnot. But this movie is nothing more than a by-product after the demise of Cannon Films. If this was a Cannon Dudikoff, it might be another story entirely. But, as it is, it would fit in rather well with the later American Heroes series of straight-down-the-line military slogs.

But here's the real crime: Tone Loc doesn't show up until 36 minutes in. (We were on Tone Loc watch). And even then, his presence is pretty scant throughout. His voice alone could almost carry the movie - imagine a scratchier, slurrier Barry White. Of course, it's the same as on his recordings. Just why he's playing a military man in a Dudikoff movie is not explained, but that was one of the only things the movie does right. What this movie should have been is be an actioner after the mold of Avenging Force (1986) - instead of Dudikoff and Steve James, it's Dudikoff and Tone Loc busting some heads. Another missed opportunity.

There is a Dudikoff-Art Camacho fight, which is a movie highlight (?), but pretty much nothing can penetrate the overwhelming aura of suck surrounding the film as a whole. It's not Dudikoff's or Loc's fault. It's hard to believe this is by the same director as the enjoyable A Dangerous Place (1995). Finally, we noticed that a man named J.A. "Cappy" Surette was a military adviser on the film. He probably cursed the fact that Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf got to live it up on the set of Crimson Tide (1995) or whatever, while he's stuck on this turkey.
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