Review of Ratchet & Clank

. . .as there were no takers among my normal gang (who usually are eager to see anything from NICHOLAS SPARKS PLUGS ALONG HIS DRIVEWAY AGAIN to MY BIG FAT GRE3K WEEDING MY GARDEN). As soon as I mentioned RATCHET & CLANK the excuses began flying. "I think my dentist can squeeze me in for a couple preventative root canals," one formerly reliable animation fan copped out. "I have to binge-watch the MR. ED marathon they're having," observed another. "We just scored tickets for a Ted Cruz Rally," stated my final prospects. So I entered the Multiplex alone. To my horror, no one else was in the theater as the first preview began for KUBO. TMNT, ANGRY BIRDS, STORKS, and THE WILD LIFE all came and went, and the place was still empty--except for me. As soon as I read, "This is a Sony Playstation Cartoon," I knew I was doomed. As predictable characters mouthed the usual clichés with their pedestrian voices, I felt myself drifting away. A mad scientist seemed to blow up another planet with his Death Star every five minutes or so, but this was no STAR WARS, no matter how much GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY Sony crammed in. I could not stop worrying that an Usherette would be shaking me awake soon--what if I drooled in my sleep?! Fortunately, Sony anticipated that RATCHET & CLANK would place many folks in my exact predicament, so they had a random new cartoon character come onto the screen after all the credits had rolled, yelling "Wakey, Wakey, you can go now!!"