There's nothing worse than a comedy which isn't funny and, sadly, this is one of the worst so-called "comedies" in existence. Made at a period in the late '70s/early '80s when the British film industry had just about died out, this is an inexcusable and frankly offensive attempt at a zany comedy which throws in gratuitous nudity, science fiction, racism, homophobia, and just about anything else into the brew to try and make it a hit; it doesn't work for a second. Perhaps the rubbish editing had something to do with this, or the fact that every single joke falls flat. Maybe the poorly inserted stock footage made viewers realise just how cheaply, badly made this film was. The "plot", so to speak, could be written in a paragraph, so lots of padded and nonsensical scenes show up which in no way further the story; they're just dumb, stupid and lack continuity. And the cast
how I feel for them.
Oliver Reed is hopelessly miscast in a comic role as a clumsy army man; elsewhere, Keenan Wynn embarrasses himself in a stereotypical "stuffy officer" type role. Who knows what stalwart British old-timers Peter Cushing and Wilfrid Hyde-White were doing in the cast, as I sure don't. Cushing is admittedly amusing as a war veteran who has to adjust to the 20th century and is amazed at modern contraptions as televisions, etc., although even his humour is Luke warm, and by comparison the rest of the slapstick comedy is awful. Hyde-White is quite funny though, as he always was. The glamorous Sylvaine Charlet was obviously filmed naked in the shower at some point and scenes of this are repeated throughout the film.
Included in the film are scenes of natives which are appallingly racist in this day and age; a stupid ray gun which makes things vanish in an instant (complete with silly sound effect); a homosexual Tarzan who lives with his male friend Jan; lots of scenes set around a swimming pool where nothing happens; and a solar energy source which creates an invisible barrier around the emperor's hideaway (?). NO SECRETS! should be seen by everybody in order to make them appreciate just how well-made most films are in comparison to this; in fact, it would make just about anything look good (aside from some of those tacky Filipino made obscurities they made back in the '60s and '70s ).
Oliver Reed is hopelessly miscast in a comic role as a clumsy army man; elsewhere, Keenan Wynn embarrasses himself in a stereotypical "stuffy officer" type role. Who knows what stalwart British old-timers Peter Cushing and Wilfrid Hyde-White were doing in the cast, as I sure don't. Cushing is admittedly amusing as a war veteran who has to adjust to the 20th century and is amazed at modern contraptions as televisions, etc., although even his humour is Luke warm, and by comparison the rest of the slapstick comedy is awful. Hyde-White is quite funny though, as he always was. The glamorous Sylvaine Charlet was obviously filmed naked in the shower at some point and scenes of this are repeated throughout the film.
Included in the film are scenes of natives which are appallingly racist in this day and age; a stupid ray gun which makes things vanish in an instant (complete with silly sound effect); a homosexual Tarzan who lives with his male friend Jan; lots of scenes set around a swimming pool where nothing happens; and a solar energy source which creates an invisible barrier around the emperor's hideaway (?). NO SECRETS! should be seen by everybody in order to make them appreciate just how well-made most films are in comparison to this; in fact, it would make just about anything look good (aside from some of those tacky Filipino made obscurities they made back in the '60s and '70s ).