Spasms (1983)
4/10
An unusually bland film given the subject matter
29 December 2016
Warning: Spoilers
The ultimate in cheesy monster movies, this low-budget oddity is blessed with a better-than-average cast for the genre, but otherwise it falls mostly sub-par. It's a slow-moving and often boring mess, with long passes of dialogue about nothing in particular, an unintelligent script which often repeats the same words and passes, and direction which shows absolutely no flair for visual art. Its also one of those movies which ran out of money during production, meaning that at the end we get lots of padded footage from earlier in the movie which doesn't make much sense being inserted where it is. The simple storyline involves a giant snake being transported to America where it escapes (of course – the film wouldn't exist if it didn't) and wreaks havoc on a university campus.

The best and most hilarious part of the movie sees the snake invade a sorority house, where it stalks the screaming naked girls like an ultra-cheesy Michael Myers impersonation. Here's a film which utilises a dated 'snake cam' (often used since in monster movies and such), where we see the bloody deaths through the snake's tinted blue vision. The sappy Tangerine Dream theme song only adds to the weirdness of the proceedings. For the blood and guts fan, the film reaches about an average level of grue, with some bloody snake bites and attacks and at least one bit of fun, rubbery special effects which shows a victim swelling and disintegrating as a result of a snake bite! The snake itself is a cheesy, papier-mâché type model, but it serves its purpose well and at least looks fairly imaginative.

Heading the cast is Peter Fonda delivering a typically bland, laid back turn as an investigating doctor. However, his character hangs around in the sidelines and doesn't actually achieve much as a hero. The heroine is also extremely bland, so its left to our favourite ham Oliver Reed to deliver the performance goods. From trancing out in a static box to slashing at the venomous serpent with a knife come the abrupt (but powerhouse) climax, he's in control and he makes the movie. The only other cast member of note is Al Waxman, typecast as a slimy villain, who hams with gusto. Aside from a few fun performances, a handful of decent action bits, and some slimy special effects, however, SPASMS is an unusually bland movie and for the most part a disappointment.
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