Review of Terror Beneath the Sea

While this movie has all the elements that make old sci-fi movies suck,it somehow doesn't suck. The creature from the black lagoon has been cloned and is now in Japan,so of course two reporters must investigate.They immediately go scuba diving because what is a movie without scuba diving?I swear I can't remember the last time I saw a movie without scuba diving.Of course one of the reporters is a woman and wouldn't you know it...she sees the monster first.Two times when the camera cuts to him it's extremely clear that he's not underwater.As the woman swims away they superimpose the monster over her.Not content with nearly being killed, they must investigate further.That's when they discover that a guy has figured out how to transform humans into any form he wants.He explains how but then they just put what looks like a few human organs sewn together into a guy and the transformation begins.It's long,tedious and boring and the woman gasps constantly at the extremely slow process.At one point the guy even gets tiger feet before becoming a CFTBL clone. Did I mention that this guy has made a whole army of these things? And that he calls them cyborgs even though they have nothing robotic about them?And that he controls the entire army with a big knob that has settings like "work" and "fight"?And when he needs them all to stop he has to make a pa announcement so the guy standing next to him can turn the knob. I'm sure I didn't mention that he looks like Kevin Spacey in sunglasses.How do I even know who that is?? You would think that one of the monsters having his armpit "skin" ripped open would be the funniest thing in the movie but you'd be wrong.The funniest, and therefore best part of the movie, is all the underwater fire.What?I didn't mention that most of the movie takes place under water?Or that this guy has built his own Epcot center in the ocean? Doesn't matter. All that matters is this movie has more underwater fire than you will see everywhere else for as long as you live.