3/10
What Makes the Emoji Movie so Bad?
27 July 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I tried. I really did. I went in with an open mind. "This could still be like The Lego Movie," I told myself. "Just give it a chance."

Turns out we were right all along.

The Emoji Movie, from Sony Pictures Animation, was written and directed by Anthony Leondis. Eric Siegel and Mike White joined as co-writers. To these men I ask, what compelled you to birth this? The Emoji Movie is a grating movie. It gives us characters flatter than actual emojis, and replaces world-building with ads!

The movie opens at a schoolyard where human teenager, Alex (Jake T. Austin), receives a text from a girl he has a crush on. As he tries to formulate a reply, we zoom in to his phone to see the city of Textopolis. In this world, each emoji has to be their one "thing" their whole life. Crying emojis need to always be sad, laughing emojis need to always be happy, and so on. We're then introduced to Gene, voiced by T.J. Miller, who's supposed to be a "Meh" emoji. The problem is, he doesn't seem able to control his expressions, and his first day on the job he messes up everything. The head of the texting department, Smiler (Maya Rudolph), holds a meeting where it's decided he should be deleted. Gene then tries to escape, running into Hi-5 (James Corden). Together, they decide to find a famous hacker named Jailbreak. (Anna Faris) She can take them to the Internet and reprogram Gene's code to make him normal again. It's a race against time though, because if it's not fixed, then Alex will erase his phone.

So, I do want to start with what I did like about the movie. The animators did their jobs well. When Textopolis is introduced, there's a lot going on in the background. Movements look good and smooth enough. The designs leave much to be desired though. Most of the background characters are just their respective emojis with little dot eyes and arms and legs attached. For what they were given to work with though, the animators did a good job at capturing movement. I also found a couple of good gags. The old-fashioned emoticons (like ":)") were depicted as the elderly citizens of the world, which I found clever. Other than that… there was little else.

Now, for what you probably came here for. To start from the top: the setup of this entire movie is ridiculous! Apparently, it all starts when a human selects an emoji from their touchscreen. The order is sent down to a massive complex where there's a huge finger-shaped scanner. All the emoji citizens line up in their little boxes. If they are chosen, the scanner then takes a snapshot of them. That picture is then sent up to appear in the text box. It's such a round-about way to send emojis!

There's also the world they live in. Gene has two parents, and it is revealed in the movie that he inherited his multi-facial malfunction from his father who had hidden it all these years. Does that mean emojis have children? It's Gene's first day on the job. Does that mean his father is retiring? Do emojis age and then die? Did Gene have to qualify for the job? There's so little explanation here that it leaves me more confused than anything else.

And then there's the world outside Textopolis. We peek into different apps where activity is going on. When Gene and his allies jump into them to do stuff though, the app suddenly opens on Alex's phone causing disruptions. But why did the other apps humming with activity not cause any disruptions? Also, they say they have to go through different apps to reach their destination. It very clearly shows, though, that they can simply walk around them! Sure, you could say the anti-virus robots would get them… but the robots find them inside the apps anyways. Just save time and make a break for it!

Now, getting down into the "characters". First of all, the dialogue in the movie is badly written and badly delivered. No high schooler actually says to another, "Play it cool, just send her an emoji." The poor delivery only trims any potential impact the decent lines have. As for the characters themselves, they're all really bland. Gene says he wants to fit in, but he can't due to his varied expressions. Later in the movie though, it shows that he can change them just fine! Hi-5 is flat-out obnoxious: think Animal House-style frat bro.

And then there's Jailbreak. T.J. Miller has stated before that he believes this movie sends "a feminist agenda, but not in a preachy way." Well, he's wrong on both counts. Of the few "feminist" things Jailbreak says, they're so out-of-place that they come across as annoying. For example, as she explains the way to the cloud, Gene ends up finishing her sentence in excitement. She immediately reprimands him, saying "Men are always taking credit for women's ideas!" Now that's a pretty solid point, but… he was just excited about what she was saying. He didn't try to steal her idea at all.

Not to mention, after being built up to be a "strong female character"... she ends up falling in love with Gene. She abandons her dream to be free in the cloud so she can come back home and be his princess, complete with a princess costume. For a movie touted to have such feminist ideas, I don't see very many here.

Which brings me to the romances...

~TRUNCATED FOR LENGTH. READ THE WHOLE REVIEW ON GOULDTHORPECREATES.TUMBLR.COM~
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