After running after Kevin McCallister for decades, John Heard died shortly after this movie opened. Cause of death was extreme shame. Rest in Peace, John.
As for the "star" of this movie, it ain't Jane Seymour. Word is that she needed some cash for her luxury one-bedroom, one-bathroom condo in East L.A. so the producers fronted her the money. She repaid them with a dead-eyed performance as a throw-away mother that sits around berating her successful daughter.
Yeah, the daughter. She starts out the movie at a red carpet event in Hollyweird where she is obligated by the script to answer a phonecall from "Mom" with a "WHAT!?" as though she has some kind of "loving" arrangement with her crack-whore mother. And then, the boo-hoo moment: she says "wha-a-at?" (WHAT DIALOGUE!). Turns out that her commie daddy, struggling during Californica's worst drought to cultivate apples that are killing the population by sucking all the water out of the ground, is dead. He's been stung by a sentient tractor and had his brains sucked out. Actually not, but you're kind of hoping for a good plot twist.
So it turns out the Jets and Sharks are going around raping women and stealing water. The sheriff has had to arrest people who are going to jail for having drunk water in public. Or something like that. Sounds like a deal! You go to jail and you won't die from thirst.
More plot complications throw Emma (the daughter) on a dirt bike ("WEAR A HELMET!"-- "screw you, 'Mom'!") Yeah, she eventually has to wear a full helmet so they can use a stunt person. She judo-chops a guy, steals his car, steals his ID. Cripes what a total #LUSER he is.
Yeah, a couple of plot twists later, Kevin's dad gets his just desserts (and it Ain't apple pie). The aliens turn out to be disguised as SMELTS. And the whole movie crumbles from there on. 0 out of 10, IMDb doesn't allow a nil vote.
Oh, truth be told, the only aliens in this movie are the illegal kind. But they're the *nice* illegal kind, all Asian-y and products of war in far-off lands. Christ on a Mr Christie's cracker, this is a CHEESY piece of crap.
As for the "star" of this movie, it ain't Jane Seymour. Word is that she needed some cash for her luxury one-bedroom, one-bathroom condo in East L.A. so the producers fronted her the money. She repaid them with a dead-eyed performance as a throw-away mother that sits around berating her successful daughter.
Yeah, the daughter. She starts out the movie at a red carpet event in Hollyweird where she is obligated by the script to answer a phonecall from "Mom" with a "WHAT!?" as though she has some kind of "loving" arrangement with her crack-whore mother. And then, the boo-hoo moment: she says "wha-a-at?" (WHAT DIALOGUE!). Turns out that her commie daddy, struggling during Californica's worst drought to cultivate apples that are killing the population by sucking all the water out of the ground, is dead. He's been stung by a sentient tractor and had his brains sucked out. Actually not, but you're kind of hoping for a good plot twist.
So it turns out the Jets and Sharks are going around raping women and stealing water. The sheriff has had to arrest people who are going to jail for having drunk water in public. Or something like that. Sounds like a deal! You go to jail and you won't die from thirst.
More plot complications throw Emma (the daughter) on a dirt bike ("WEAR A HELMET!"-- "screw you, 'Mom'!") Yeah, she eventually has to wear a full helmet so they can use a stunt person. She judo-chops a guy, steals his car, steals his ID. Cripes what a total #LUSER he is.
Yeah, a couple of plot twists later, Kevin's dad gets his just desserts (and it Ain't apple pie). The aliens turn out to be disguised as SMELTS. And the whole movie crumbles from there on. 0 out of 10, IMDb doesn't allow a nil vote.
Oh, truth be told, the only aliens in this movie are the illegal kind. But they're the *nice* illegal kind, all Asian-y and products of war in far-off lands. Christ on a Mr Christie's cracker, this is a CHEESY piece of crap.