History often offers strong accounts of the past. But, it isn't uncommon for one story to be the main narrative while others get left behind and forgotten. That is where the arts can fill in the gaps. In "As If I Am Not There," an unspoken story is shown in a complex and moving way.
Samira, the main character, experiences horrors during her encampment. Victim of multiple rapes by more than a couple assaulters, Samira struggled in finding a way to take ownership of who she was. Many of the women she was imprisoned with responded to their rapes in different ways. Samira, after the first attack, went silent and was in shock. She was so stricken with fear that she simply could not function. Eventually, she transitioned to establishing more control over herself and who she was being victimized by. She tried to be her natural self, wearing makeup and "looking like a woman." Some of her encamped allies judged her for this, saying she sold herself out. Samira got the attention of the Captain and became his next victim. The complexities of their relationship are beyond fathomable. She was in no position to consent, as there is no such thing in a camp. His position of authority and the reminder that he could kill her at any point was surely the driving factor in their relationship. She was obedient to him in exchange for respectable food, whatever she could manage to steal from his house and simply to give her a better chance at surviving the war. This is called "survivor sex" and is most definitely still rape.
Eventually, Samira becomes pregnant and we see the way she looks into the eyes of her child. She could not possibly love her child because of who the father is, and culturally, her family must have been ashamed had they survived the war. War tore her life apart, and changed the course of her life forever. Luckily, she found refugee in a country like Sweden, but she could have been displaced and put in another camp in the outskirts of Sarajevo. The effects of this war have not yet subsided and her experience in the camps, along with the thousands of other victims, will never disappear.
Samira, the main character, experiences horrors during her encampment. Victim of multiple rapes by more than a couple assaulters, Samira struggled in finding a way to take ownership of who she was. Many of the women she was imprisoned with responded to their rapes in different ways. Samira, after the first attack, went silent and was in shock. She was so stricken with fear that she simply could not function. Eventually, she transitioned to establishing more control over herself and who she was being victimized by. She tried to be her natural self, wearing makeup and "looking like a woman." Some of her encamped allies judged her for this, saying she sold herself out. Samira got the attention of the Captain and became his next victim. The complexities of their relationship are beyond fathomable. She was in no position to consent, as there is no such thing in a camp. His position of authority and the reminder that he could kill her at any point was surely the driving factor in their relationship. She was obedient to him in exchange for respectable food, whatever she could manage to steal from his house and simply to give her a better chance at surviving the war. This is called "survivor sex" and is most definitely still rape.
Eventually, Samira becomes pregnant and we see the way she looks into the eyes of her child. She could not possibly love her child because of who the father is, and culturally, her family must have been ashamed had they survived the war. War tore her life apart, and changed the course of her life forever. Luckily, she found refugee in a country like Sweden, but she could have been displaced and put in another camp in the outskirts of Sarajevo. The effects of this war have not yet subsided and her experience in the camps, along with the thousands of other victims, will never disappear.