Where to start? I guess with the poorly written screenplay. The dialog is particularly stupid, even forgetting that the narrator gets killed half way through the movie. Yes, that's right, the story is narrated by someone who dies well before it's over. How? No explanation. Maybe they decided to have Keith David narrate it before thinking of having him killed off? Anyway, poor Keith David has to share the screen with a bunch of no-talent "actors" and then spew noxious lines even after being shot to death. No respite for the damned, I guess. The screenplay is also, of course, filled with lines no one would say, such as one guy saying to Adkins' character, "I used to be a fighter, let's see how good you are" after already witnessing said character kill and/or beat to a pulp dozens of trained fighters. There are also people doing things no person would do, such as this same guy who used to be a fighter dropping his gun to fight the savage dog (and then somehow besting the savage dog against all logic) when he could just shoot him. And on and on.
The direction is no better than the screenplay, with myriad white-hatted Frenchies getting their comeuppance from unlikely angles from gunfire and sometimes via machete when our hero sneaks up from impossibly far away.
The practical effects are hilariously over-the-top, too. It's much like the far-superior Ash vs Evil Dead in the amount of high-pressure blood letting, except it looks way more fake. Even the blood looks really fake, more like raspberry Fruitopia in colour and texture. So, on the plus side, there are at least a few laughs to be had.
Then there's all the regular action-movie tropes. The bad guys being either ex-Nazis or sniveling and moustachioed (is that a word) Peter Lorre-types. The workout montage before the hero sets out for revenge, never mind the fact that he's already been beating the tar out of everyone in sight and hasn't been injured or gotten out of shape at all. The love interest that the hero can tragically never see again, for no good reason. Oh, and the requisite face-to-the-sky scream of "NOOOOOoooo!!!", even though the love interest is actually still alive. Maybe Adkins was overcome by the idea of having to do more days of shooting this turkey.
Finally, we come to the acting. Oh no, wait. I forgot to mention the sets. So, everything is obviously done on a sound stage. It has the feel of Star Trek TOS, only missing the giant papier machee boulders. Also, there is a bar/club that is literally in the middle of the jungle, not on a road or with anything else anywhere near it. Despite being in the middle of nowhere, the bar is (of course) owned by the hero's friend and of great interest to the bad guys for its huge economic potential.
Ok, now to the acting. Adkins' Irish accent is actually pretty good, much better than I've seen in some mainstream movies. But it is far-outweighed by the rest of the cast. Keith David, who really isn't that great in anything, looks like Gregory frickin' Peck next to the rest of these clowns. The main Nazi baddie is cartoonishly evil, of course. I don't think he ever goes, "Muwahahaha!" but I could be mistaken. The heavy they save for the final showdown has the worst French accent ever, At least they resisted giving him a fake moustache to twirl while he says his lines. Finally, JuJu Chan plays the love interest, and she is awful. Just plain awful. I'm pretty sure she looks down to find her mark at one point.
In conclusion, this movie sucked. That's really all there is to it.
Review of Savage Dog
