4/10
PROTECT THE URN!
11 June 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The film opens with a cliche scene in an old warehouse. Ivan (Lawrence Tierney) and Natasha (Melody Munyon)...I kid you not...are holding at gunpoint the Doctor (Ivan J. Rado) and his daughter (Monika Schnarre) demanding the missile control microchip. Ivan is a "death merchant" who has respiratory problems and smokes.

The movie then flashes back "8 days earlier" and separates the two subplots which we just saw come together. The Doctor is an archeologist which really has nothing to do with the film other than a head fake. The microchip was hidden in a burial urn he discovered. Martina (Martina Castle) is the consort of Ivan and is jealous of his hit-woman Natasha. We already know from the first scene she will betray him, and that was the major plot twist.

The acting was bad. There were a number of things happening in the background in the outdoor scenes which made me go "huh?" At no time does one feel any intensity. Exactly how goes one transfer gold to a Swiss bank account? The movie has a lot of MST/camp value, plus 1 star.

PARENTAL GUIDE: Sex, No f-bombs but other adult language, nudity? rear male, obscure shower, Munyon's back.
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