30th Anniversary: 1989 - the Best Year in Cinema Marathon Film #67/100: "Kickboxer" (1st Viewing.)
To call this movie, even in the 1989 timeline "predictable" is an insult to single-digit IQ folk. Worse, though, is how boring it was. Mercifully, some of the jokes worked and actually had me laughing and I did enjoy one scene: a drunken Van Damme fighting in a bar. But, aside from those minute positives, I found other ways to occupy my time during this first and only screening of the "legendary" Kickboxer movie.
Such as checking my phone. Playing the Friday the 13th game on said phone. Texting my friend - also phone. And clipping my toenails. I did those manually. Well, with clippers of course. I'm not crazy. Or that agile.
What'd be crazy would be to recommend this dull version of revenge and low action for an action movie. Months earlier, enormously superior action films came out giving this lame "action" film no excuse: License to Kill, Batman, Lethal Weapon 2 and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
So, see what I mean about 1989? Even then, even that same summer: No excuses. This was pure amateur filmmaking and low-key for even the most modest martial arts film. Though it didn't exist back then, it almost felt like this script was written via Google Translator. Total skip.
To call this movie, even in the 1989 timeline "predictable" is an insult to single-digit IQ folk. Worse, though, is how boring it was. Mercifully, some of the jokes worked and actually had me laughing and I did enjoy one scene: a drunken Van Damme fighting in a bar. But, aside from those minute positives, I found other ways to occupy my time during this first and only screening of the "legendary" Kickboxer movie.
Such as checking my phone. Playing the Friday the 13th game on said phone. Texting my friend - also phone. And clipping my toenails. I did those manually. Well, with clippers of course. I'm not crazy. Or that agile.
What'd be crazy would be to recommend this dull version of revenge and low action for an action movie. Months earlier, enormously superior action films came out giving this lame "action" film no excuse: License to Kill, Batman, Lethal Weapon 2 and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
So, see what I mean about 1989? Even then, even that same summer: No excuses. This was pure amateur filmmaking and low-key for even the most modest martial arts film. Though it didn't exist back then, it almost felt like this script was written via Google Translator. Total skip.