Review of 3022

3022 (2019)
1/10
Not worth watching
22 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Right from the beginning. Plagued with bad writing throughout a lame story, it is (probably) supposed to be a "study of the effects of long term deep space exposure on the human psyche" or some such nonsense.

The long, silent opening sequence was meant to fast-forward the viewers through the first 5 years. In 2190, a 4 person crew start a 10 year mission on a space station in deep space near a colony that is on one of Jupiter's moons (Europa). The station is supposed to be some kind of "refuelling" stop for people travelling between Earth and the colony (though they don't explain that or show anyone coming anywhere near them in the first 5 years).

5 years later the captain is losing his marbles and the crew doctor is ready to scrub the mission and have them all sent home for psychological reasons. Then the "event" happens (conveniently of course).

The station is (mysteriously) damaged and a crew member dies. Then the doctor decides to take a one way space walk. The remaining (2) crew try to save him by extending a mechanical arm towards him. Naturally, just as its within reach the Doc decides he wants to live - and as he reaches to grab the mechanical arm, the last section of it - just - falls - off, drifting off into space along with the Doc.

Then, just as the last 2 crew members are about to take some kind of suicide pill - literally about to put them in their mouths - miraculously they spot a shuttle drifting outside the station. Inside they find 3 crew who had been on the International Space Station orbiting Earth and find out that the "event" was actually the Earth exploding for some unknown reason. Despite being right next to it, apparently they weren't as damaged as the space station that was hundreds of millions of miles away from the explosion. Their shuttle was damaged but still somehow made it to the station.

(More plot holes. The shuttle crew are revived and told that there was enough life support to keep them all alive until the shuttle can be repaired and they can fly to Europa. So what do they do ? Have a party. Smoking and drinking. Without explaining what had happened until the next day (because of course, why would you bother mentioning some trivial detail like how you watched the Earth explode from 400(ish) kms away).

Then they find out that the station, which had enough life support to keep 4(+) people going for 10(+) years, will only support 2 people for 3 years. Or 5 people for 1 month. (But apparently there's enough cigarettes to keep everyone going forever !) And supposedly the shuttle (now) can't be fixed at all !

One thing leads to another and the damaged station ends up broken into 2 parts and apparently each half has enough life support to last 1 person indefinitely. Good thing too as each of the last 2 from the original station crew are in different parts of the station and the 3 from the shuttle are dead.

And somehow, despite the "unfixable" shuttle being damaged even further in the explosion that broke the station apart, the captain is able to repair it and - roughly 22 years after the station broke apart - in the year 3022 he is able to pilot it and literally fly straight to the other half of the station (despite not having any communication with it the entire time and no way to calculate where it may have drifted to in the preceding 22+ years). And, naturally, his partner is still alive.

The movie ends with the 2 crew members reunited on the one half of the station, drifting off into space. The same 2 who, 27 years earlier, were going to kill themselves back when things seemed hopeless. Somehow I don't think there'll be a sequel where some intrepid explorer finds them still drifting through space - and still alive.

(Did I mention that during this whole time - they had NO communication with the colony on Europa who apparently couldn't be bothered to check on them or try to figure out why they couldn't communicate with Earth either.)

The entire movie was poorly lit (perhaps to disguise cheap sets). The plot holes were big enough to fly planets through. The story line was lame.

The acting was OK. I only watched it to the end to see what they'd do with the last 2 (you knew he'd find her, somehow, and that she'd still be alive, somehow, but I wanted to see what happened after that). Nothing.

And literally everyone smokes ! On space ships/stations in deep space 180+ years in the future !

I mean WTF ! Why is it that half the space movies I see these days have crews smoking like chimneys ? NOBODY SMOKES IN SPACE morons ! Not now and sure as **** not 170 years from now (let alone even further in the future for some movies).

Blame that on the poor scripting and directing as well..

I would not recommend this to anyone unless you are on a very long flight where you can't sleep and there are no other choices. Even then I'd suggest watching something else. Or reading the in-flight magazine. Or the Emergency card. Or count the hairs on the back of the head of the person sitting in front of you.
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