Review of Arachnoquake

Life would be so much easier and less stressful if everybody would ask themselves the simple question "Why not?" more often. For example: do I really want to waste my time and eyesight on a clearly lousy creature-feature with computerized effects? Is it absolutely necessary to see Edward Furlong sink even deeper than he already has? Should the poor city of New Orleans really serve as location for another dreadful disaster? The answer to all these questions should be: "Yes, why not!". Wait maybe until a Friday evening and reward yourself with some brainless SyFy-channel junk. Your workweek was already hard and long enough, so why exhaust your mind even further with intelligent and complex thriller when you can just as easily relax with a dumb movie about over-sized, pink and blind spiders crawling out of the concrete after an earthquake in New Orleans! The spiders couldn't look more fake. They are bright pink and smooth as a baby's bottom. They actually look more like shaven ants. Rule number one if you're making a horror flick about spiders: they have to look hairy, hideous and menacing. I'm sure even the cheapest computer program can come up with something better than this? The characters in "Arachnoquake" are your average and typical bunch of stereotypes, including a dim-witted tour guide turning into a hero, a hot but insignificant blond girl, a loud-mouthed black jock, etc. Edward Furlong, 35-years-old at the time, supposedly has adult children of his own but abandons them in favor of driving a bus full of sexy high-school cheerleaders (that part I actually believed). It's a lousy and incredibly foolish film without any redeeming values, but at least you'll laugh out loud and forget about your worries for a good hour and a half; - that's also worth something.