As I Am (2019)
9/10
Reverence for Youth
8 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Philophobia is a magnificent debut feature by young writer/director Guy Davies. Set in and around the natural beauty of the Stroud Valleys, Philophobia follows a group of young male friends and the protagonist Kai's relationship with the appropriately named young woman 'Grace' played by Kim Spearman.

I watched Philophobia at a film festival in the UK on the big screen. The overall 'look' and colours of the film are stunning. The film spent almost two years in post-production, and to do it full justice, you should watch it in a cinema.

Philophobia is a tender and visually stunning work and yet not at all sentimental. The film's characters have hard choices to make about their lives and in the summer after leaving school face a lot of uncertainty. Life's choices are asymmetric which, is to say that we often only know what we need to know about choices, after they are made. The group of friends lean on each other in the face of the unknown changes and challenges lying ahead in their next life stage.

The reverence the director holds for young lives and friendships is apparent throughout the film. The script is very original and mostly shot in the beautiful outdoors. Davies gets the best out of his actors who produce superb performances. Josh Glenister who plays Kai delivers an excellent nuanced interpretation of his character and is captivating as a young writer in bloom who is inspired by nature and by his muse Grace. There are also some tasteful sexy scenes to make you hot under the collar.

The film also has some important moral messages. Without having a copy of the script available, I will have to rephrase but the gist was as follows: 1) It is cruel to pretend that you like/fancy someone when you don't. Even the protagonist falls short of this mark more than once. It is another hard choice we face, when we flirt; How sincere is the flirtation? 2) One of the group of friends refers to themselves as 'good guys'. This is then thrown into doubt. Do we often assume we are good when in fact we might be better described as self-absorbed and inoffensive?

At a couple of important points in the film, we are surprised by the appearance of a stag. This would seem to highlight the absence of older male role models / fathers in the lives of the young group of friends and is a nice touch.

Interesting fact: Guy Davies wrote the script for this film based off an original story by Matt Brawley who he grew up with in the locale of the film. They also founded a film production company together 'Zebrafish'.

On a final note, I would like to warn about an all too simple mistake to make. And that is too think that this film is sexist. The film is written and directed by a young man and was originally conceived to show how close the bonds of friendship are amongst groups of young men. We are all looking out of our own windows and interpret life through our own experience. The director draws on meaningful experiences from his own life, and I think it would be a cheap shot to criticise him for that.
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