5/10
Not very ribbiting.
31 July 2020
True story: Rowdy Roddy Piper once put me in a choke hold (at my request - doh!) and damn near snapped my head off. It's a good job I didn't let him know what I thought about Hell Comes To Frogtown: he might have finished the job.

The basic concept for Hell Comes To Frogtown sounds like B-movie heaven: Sam Hell (Piper), one of the few virile men in a post-apocalyptic world, is forced to take part in a mission to rescue a group of fertile women from Frogtown, which is controlled by an amphibious mutant called Commander Toty (Brian Frank) and his army of frog-men. Steve Wang's remarkably cool creatures make the film worth a watch for fans of practical special effects, but they are really deserving of a much better film, the script for this cheeze-fest not nearly as crazy, as inventive, or as entertaining as it should have been.

Piper gets in poorly choreographed fist-fights, as does Sandahl Bergman, who plays Spangle, the Medtech agent assigned to ensure that Hell plays his part. There are lacklustre gunfights, a few explosions, some cheesy one-liners, and a bit of nudity (from Cec Verrell as Corporal Centinella), plus the rather unique sight of a one-eyed humanoid frog chainsawing off our hero's explosive chastity belt. Sadly, it's all so flatly directed by Donald G. Jackson and R.J. Kizer that it actually proves rather tedious for much of the time. It doesn't help matters that the bulk of the budget was clearly spent on the frog make-up and animatronics, which means that the rest of the film has a distinct air of cheapness about it (Frogtown is a derelict factory with a population of about twenty, and the climactic pursuit of our heroes involves just two vehicles).

As if to emphasise the general lack of inspiration, the action culminates at that popular sci-fi movie location, the Vasquez Rocks, as seen in every other low-budget straight-to-video flick of the '80s.

5/10. Passable nonsense, but not deserving of its cult status.
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