1/10
No but seriously, what a genius concept
20 December 2020
You thought we were at a loss for hope with the movie year of 2020, didn't you? You thought that huge comic-book movie openings were a thing of the past, and that grandiose premieres complete with red carpets and limousines were but a memory.

And while we've had the insurmountably layered I'm Thinking of Ending Things, the cleverly horrifying Relic, the magical Wolfwalkers, and late releases like Waves and Little Women in some areas, they all pale in comparison to the real savior of the year. The real masterpiece we all needed.

It is no surprise that Bobbleheads: The Movie was brought forth by one of the geniuses behind Disney's Beauty and the Beast, nor that it shares an art director with 2012's Foodfight. It defies such genre predecessors as The Emoji Movie by saying "What if we made a marketably cute, factory-made comedy based around an even less relevant product placement?"

I gather that director Kirk Wise isn't the only crewmember to have worked during the Disney Renaissance. Therefore, the true genius of Bobbleheads is how eye-opening it is, showing what the masters of old must resort to when the Animated Canon is dominated by Frozen look-alikes (and their sequels) whilst the older works are only permitted to exist in their "updated" forms - with more realistic graphics, less color, less expression, less thoughtfully directed song numbers, and other things that make the children-at-heart feel more adult and "serious" for watching the same sh-t over and over.

The defiance of Bobbleheads gets even better! Instead of focusing on FunkoPop figurines - an idea for a film you all know is coming - Bobbleheads does the less obvious, less predictable thing. These Bobbleheads are so important, in fact, that failing to respect them is what causes the family drama we behold in the movie. Each member of said family has their own favorite 'head; when nobody's home, the figurines come to life. I can't work out why that sounds familiar.

The cast is particularly rich, which makes sense when you realize the painstaking process behind matching these voices with the right figures. According to IMDb, this film was made "after 35 years of workshoping (sic) the concept with Cher on how to lend her voice to a character, before they finally settled on Bobbleheads". NOTE: In the movie, Cher literally just plays Cher. Bravo.

Bobbleheads expertly elucidates the pointlessness of it all. It says a great deal about the modern state of animation that not only are the old masters working on cash-grabs about pre-existing products, but they've seemingly also run out of relevant ones. Even fidget spinners would be a safer bet, if cashing in on popular toys was the idea. But that wouldn't have strengthened the film's masterful message. It doesn't even want to be hip. And yet it will be seen, because we must consume something. Anything.

This picture urges us to look at ourselves, and the role that products play in our life - a role that might have once been occupied by enriching art that inspires, entertains, and astounds. Bobbleheads: The Movie does none of those things and it's our fault. Well done, Universal. You have set us all straight!
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