I was initially drawn in by the trailer and it was all downhill from there.
I missed the first half of the films dialogue because this movie Literally had the Worst Sound Ever!! The crackling fire even managed to drown out the voices! I tried adjusting every sound aspect of my TV and even switched from surround sound to normal TV volume to no avail...finally I put on the subtitles and realized I wasn't really missing anything relevant anyway. To be honest, it was more interesting during the first half of the film making up my own dialogue for the movie.
So, these 2 young artist couples decide its a good idea to break in to an apparent abandon house somewhere in England to become artistic squatters. They have a good first night drinking, frolicking and lighting as many candles as humanly possible before they call it a night. I might be a bit, or a lot, off on this synopsis because I couldn't hear a damn word they said during this part but I think I got the gist of it. Apparently, while they were asleep, a nazi/doctor/psychopath old dude cut the annoying girls leg and caused the pretty girl to be violently ill...he also found the time and strength (This guy is pushing 80) to weld the metal door shut, barricade the entire house and go through all of their belongings for their phones while the slept peacefully beside that Extremely Noisy fire! When they wake up and discover they are trapped, psycho doctor leaves them enough tools to build weapons and generally screws with them by leaving out other useful items, like bandages and sewing stuff to patch up the damage he created on that one chicks leg...I'm assuming this was to give them hope?? I seriously didn't know because this was still pre-subtitles in my viewing experience...one by one psycho-doc takes each of them away.
The first dude, the only semi-smart, useful person there with a Justin Beiber haircut, got to have a nice drug induced sleep on a cot before Doc decided to cut one of his eyes out...Doc then sends him out into the hall where he gets bludgeoned to death by pretty girl and a Draco Malfoy lookalike because Doc put him in the same white hazmat suit he was wearing. Why didn't Bieber shout out to his friends?!? His Eye was taken out, not his tongue!! Second to be taken was the annoying chick...he sawed her legs off and apparently left her to bleed out. Next came Draco but we don't get to see him being killed, only his lifeless body on a table later on minus a hand...
The climax comes with the prettiest, but obviously not smartest girl left. She manages to trick the doc into falling through some stairs and then bonks him on the noggin before stealing his keys to run off and find an exit. I HATE movies that do this!!! I don't know about you, but if a psycho-doc just murdered 3 of my friends and was trapped in the stairs I would make good and sure that he was Dead before I went in search of an exit!
For that alone she deserved to be eaten by Daisy.
To sum up...terrible movie, not bad acting (from what I saw, not heard), and the absolute Worst sound in a film ever.
Review of Spiderhole
