The Wizard (1989)
1/10
"Up up down down, felony child endangerment, B A."
19 November 2021
I'm not sure who at Universal greenlit this but someone should time travel back to 1988 and punch them in the throat. The Wizard is no more than a Nintendo commercial disguised as a coming-of-age road movie.

In Rain Man Junior, little Jimmy Woods, traumatized by the accidental drowning of his twin sister Jennifer, has become withdrawn and focused on going to California. His brother Corey worries while their father Sam and eldest brother Nick do nothing but argue.

Corey busts Jimmy out of the institution he's in to go on the lam. They meet a girl named Haley, who tells them about a gaming competition in Los Angeles. It's discovered that Jimmy's a... shall we say, wizard at arcade games.

Meanwhile, Sam and Nick take chase after the kids, as well as "child bounty hunter" Putnam, who looks like he should be on a certain registry to be kept away from children. The runaway trio tangle with truck drivers, bikers, delinquents, salesmen and Power Glove wielding snobs along the way.

I'm sure whoever grew up with this found it at the very least average (heaven help the people who love it) but the whole thing is just so unsettling, especially knowing that these kids' parents signed off on letting them be in this. At one point, to evade Putnam, Haley screams "He touched my breast!" Putnam is later seen on the phone with the line "She doesn't have any breasts." Everyone involved in this movie should be arrested.

Fortunately, the guys at RiffTrax have made life much easier by doing their hilarious commentary duty on this pile. Bless them.
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