8/10
We Wish You a Makeshift Christmas
24 December 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I've always had a soft spot for classic cartoons of this caliber. Back in the days when entertainment was more wholesome, and animated cartoons were naturally goofy, showing that a good time could be had without having to resort to being edgy or gritty or given a painful reminder of the grim world just outside your door. This little gem comes to us from the Fleischer Studios, who brought us such classic characters as Betty Boop and Popeye to name a few, and the star of our picture is good old Professor Grampy. Whenever he's needed, he's never far away. Even on Christmas Day, which started out as great for a bunch of children at an orphanage, but immediately turned into a terrible day. It all began when their puppy alarm clock woke them up... now how much would YOU pay for one of those? Then they scampered out of their dormitory, which appears to be coed, so this is a very progressive orphanage, and grabbed the shiny new toys out of their stockings hanging by the fireplace. These toys brought the children a great deal of joy... for a few seconds, then they completely fell apart. The kids weren't playing rough with them or anything, they just broke like the fifth-rate pieces of crap they were. You might be quick to blame Santa Claus for this, but oh no, I chalk it up to the inconsiderate citizens in town who donated these toys to poor children who have next to nothing. It's a pretty sad scene, all those kids crying and having a miserable Christmas. Fortunately, a hero is not far away. Professor Grampy was riding by on his motorized sleigh, when he heard the cries and wails coming from the local orphanage. Upon peering inside, he saw the devastating scene of crying children with no toys. Something had to be done, so Grampy puts on the ol' thinking cap, and hits upon a brilliant idea.

Sneaking into the kitchen, he makes a plan to grab everything in sight and MacGyver the children some new toys. In the wise words of Doc Brown, "if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything." Incidentally, I'm wondering where the adults who run this orphanage are. It must be one of those mean orphanages run by terrible people who don't care about the kids living there. Anyway, with his sharp mind and keen imagination, Grampy furnishes remarkable toys out of ordinary household items. A washboard, coathangers and rails make a fine sled, a roll of paper and a spoon make an airplane, a feather duster, forks, and a clock make a wind-up turkey, a tea set makes a working train set, and a pot, pan and string make a guitar. Then he strings popcorn around the fireplace, via popping it over an open fire and stringing it through a sewing machine. Grampy would give Rube Goldberg a run for his money. Then he fashions himself a Santa Claus suit and goes to wake up the children for another attempt at Christmas morning. The kids have themselves a wonderful time, and then, to cap it all off, Grampy Claus places several green umbrellas atop one another to form a Christmas tree, even decorating it nice and pretty. Putting it on a record player makes it spin round and round, illuminating the whole room. The children were happy and had a very Merry Christmas, and it was all thanks to kindly Professor Grampy.

So, the moral of our story is if you don't the methods to do something properly, improvise. Just taking a bunch of household items, Grampy managed to make loads of new toys for all those poor kids. Those who are Fleischer buffs will recognize Grampy from several Betty Boop pictures in which he comes to her aide when dealing with a messy house, a cruel farmer, and an annoying houseguest. There was one time he built a makeshift indoor amusement park when Betty's nephew, Junior, couldn't go to a real one on account of rain. Christmas Comes But Once a Year is a beautifully made picture with decent animation and even a few real-life models added to the mix. It was featured during Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas, and I have to say, when internet reviewer Obscurus Lupa reviewed Pee-Wee's Christmas, she glossed over this cartoon, saying, "I won't bore you." Little late for that, Lupa. How disrespectful can you be to such a classic? Sadly, I don't think modern audiences would respect something such as this, though I would implore them to give it a fair chance anyway. In closing, I definitely recommend Christmas Comes But Once a Year, a very true statement, so make the best out of what you have and enjoy the holiday in your own way.
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