2/10
Lost in the woods
20 September 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Straightforward, clear, to the point, are not ways that you describe this movie. Neither is good.

This is more like an arthouse project or an abstract painting than a movie with a story and a point.

We encounter two characters a man and a woman roaming the snowy woods hunting. He tells her a story of a better place where there are two towers with clean beds and food etc. They can't drink the water from the stream because it is poison? (this will never be explained) She falls and breaks her leg. (this will never be explained) Then there is poison gas?? (this will never be explained) So the man runs through the woods suddenly unaffected by the poison gas (this will never be explained), finds the woman and takes her to these twin towers. (this will never be explained) The towers are like hotels. Inside they find clean rooms, food, soap etc. This much makes a degree of sense, possibly the only time the film makes sense.

Man puts magic bandage on woman's leg. (this will never be explained) Broken leg begins to heal at astonishing rate. By next day she is able to run up the stairs to top of building without limping (this will never be explained) Man says to woman that he made up the tower story to give them strength while they wandered through the woods. But these towers are real, it's safe so they should stay here. He emphasises that there is safe water here (this will never be explained)

They find audio tape and player (this will never be explained) At various places there is writing which does not appear to be from any human language. (this will never be explained) Man finds "instruction book" in strange writing by a power panel. Man eventually figures out how to turn on the power. Hotel now has power - no explanation where the power comes from. Entire rest of countryside seems to be empty forest with these two towers which have no visible means of getting electricity (or water, or food, or soap, or clean clothes, or the hundred gas lanterns they find).

About this time you are really wondering what is going on.

Man finds empty pool in other building. In it is weird guy who is waxy catatonic, essentially a poseable doll. (this will never be explained) weird guy has audio tape. Man poses weird guy, fusses with his handkerchief. Takes tape back to player. Plays that tape and another. One has annoying distorted noise, another has musical distorted noise. (this will never be explained) Woman comes in and man tells her it's music. It's not and it's unclear why he would say that.

Eventually, woman is unhappy or something, goes to other building finds weird guy and eventually teaches him to dance (this will never be explained) Weird guy gets weirder (this will never be explained) then man returns and rescues woman by throwing weird guy back into empty pool pretty much where they found him. (this will never be explained).

Blah blah blah, they turn out the lights in the buildings. Credits roll. (this will never be explained).

Where is this place? Why is the water poison? What was the poison gas? What's with the poseable weird guy? How does the hotel get power or food or anything? What's with the alien writing? Where did these people come from, where are they going and what does it all mean? None of this will ever be explained.

That's it folks. A train wreck from hell if ever there was one.

Some people claim they like this film (this will never be explained).
3 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed