Sometimes you just want to watch something light and silly, you know? Something you don't need to actively engage with, something you can put on and just kind of leave it be. I recognize a kinship between 'Arachnoquake' and the low-grade genre flicks of the 1950s, with the concept being more important than anything else - really, anything else at all. Writing, direction, acting, effects, and any basic craftsmanship of the feature all become passé after the core concept has been cemented, and one or two recognizable stars are attached. In this case get "earthquakes and spiders," Edward Furlong, and Ethan Phillips, and after that, anything goes. With that said, sure, this is simply intended to be a ridiculous romp, a horror-comedy built for fun. There's just one problem: it's not fun.
The utmost spirit of generosity only extends so far in light of dialogue, scene writing, direction, otherwise storytelling, and even sound effects that totally forgo any intelligence. One or two inclusions are marginally clever, maybe, but only one or two, and never enough to amount to anything. The CGI isn't the worst I've seen, but it's still pretty bad; of everything, it's actually gunfire, at the climax, that is the most terrible of all, even more than the giant spiders. The cast do their best (mostly) to infuse sincerity into the picture that it does not deserve, but there are definitely too many instances of abject overacting. (In fairness, it's not necessarily their fault, since the material is so weak, and Griff Furst's direction so unconvincing.) Bless them for trying, and at least having a good time, even though that enthusiasm isn't passed on to the audience. Meanwhile, every now and again 'Arachnoquake' struggles with basic internal consistency. And while the central idea might get a pass from suspension of disbelief with a skeptical "Okay, sure" - alongside the screenplay's weak-kneed attempt to cobble together scientific reasoning for the course of events - the sheer number of attributes assigned to the arachnids herein blows apart one's willingness to "just go with it."
To the credit of those behind the scenes, any practical effects and tangible creations look really great. Blood, gore, special makeup, and other fabrications are just swell. To the extent that it applies, I appreciate the production design and art direction. Would that there were any other meaningful praise I could impart; even the best efforts of the cast just don't cut it.
I think there was a real possibility that this could have been enjoyable. If the story and screenplay had been developed a little more, and some of the outrageousness sagely omitted, 'Arachnoquake' could have been entertaining on at least a very rudimentary level. Instead, if one hasn't completely checked out well before the halfway point, then one can only heave a tired, dubious sigh at every further beat and inclusion to greet us. "Light and silly" is one matter; this is just plain bad. Whatever it is you think you might get out of this SyFy TV movie, you are mistaken. Just don't bother.
The utmost spirit of generosity only extends so far in light of dialogue, scene writing, direction, otherwise storytelling, and even sound effects that totally forgo any intelligence. One or two inclusions are marginally clever, maybe, but only one or two, and never enough to amount to anything. The CGI isn't the worst I've seen, but it's still pretty bad; of everything, it's actually gunfire, at the climax, that is the most terrible of all, even more than the giant spiders. The cast do their best (mostly) to infuse sincerity into the picture that it does not deserve, but there are definitely too many instances of abject overacting. (In fairness, it's not necessarily their fault, since the material is so weak, and Griff Furst's direction so unconvincing.) Bless them for trying, and at least having a good time, even though that enthusiasm isn't passed on to the audience. Meanwhile, every now and again 'Arachnoquake' struggles with basic internal consistency. And while the central idea might get a pass from suspension of disbelief with a skeptical "Okay, sure" - alongside the screenplay's weak-kneed attempt to cobble together scientific reasoning for the course of events - the sheer number of attributes assigned to the arachnids herein blows apart one's willingness to "just go with it."
To the credit of those behind the scenes, any practical effects and tangible creations look really great. Blood, gore, special makeup, and other fabrications are just swell. To the extent that it applies, I appreciate the production design and art direction. Would that there were any other meaningful praise I could impart; even the best efforts of the cast just don't cut it.
I think there was a real possibility that this could have been enjoyable. If the story and screenplay had been developed a little more, and some of the outrageousness sagely omitted, 'Arachnoquake' could have been entertaining on at least a very rudimentary level. Instead, if one hasn't completely checked out well before the halfway point, then one can only heave a tired, dubious sigh at every further beat and inclusion to greet us. "Light and silly" is one matter; this is just plain bad. Whatever it is you think you might get out of this SyFy TV movie, you are mistaken. Just don't bother.