Helen of Troy (1956)
4/10
What a dreary mess of a film
11 January 2023
Jacques Sernas, prince of Troy, trucks over to Sparta to try and negotiate peace (without telling them he's coming apparently). His ship goes down in a storm, and he's washed ashore right by Rossana Podestà, the queen of Sparta disguised as regular folk, out for a walk with her servant Brigitte Bardot.

She pretends she isn't the queen and tries to convince him to go home. Instead he heads over to the palace and meets Niall MacGinnis, king of Sparta. MacGinnis offers him hospitality, but figuring out that he's met Podestà before, plans on torturing him. Podestà helps him escape, but she's found out and has to flee with him to Troy.

This is the Trojan War with Troy portrayed as the good guys. If you know this story at all, you know it isn't going to end well. A lot of impressive folks show up here ... Stanley Baker is Achilles (spolier: he gets a spear in the heel), Cedric Hardwicke is King Priam of Troy, Torin Thatcher is Ulysses, Harry Andrews is Hector ... but none of this is really very interesting. All of the scenes with folks talking at each other are dull and stagey. Wise really does not use Cinemascope very well here and the big, extravagant battle scenes are slow and turgid. So far, the worst film of his I've sat trough.

Sergio Leone was a second unit director on this film, as was an uncredited Raoul Walsh.
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