Stuck on You! (1983)
2/10
Stuck On You
1 September 2023
Warning: Spoilers
EDITOR'S NOTE: Stuck On You! Aired on USA Up All Night on January 7, 1989 as the second movie ever shown on the late night movie show. It also played on June 6 and October 29 of that year, as well as March 10, 1990.

Stuck On You! Was supposedly based on the writings of writings of Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg, but it was really from a huge team of writers, including Jeffrey Delman, Tony Gittleson, Darren Kloomok, Warren Leight, Duffy Caesar, Magesis Melanie Mintz, Don Perman, Stuart Strutin and the two men credited with directing this movie, Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman.

Along with Squeeze Play!, Waitress! And The First Turn-On!, these sex comedies established Troma. All I have to say is, "Ugh."

Bill and Carol are in the middle of a palimony suit against one another presided over by Judge Gabriel (Professor Irwin Corey, who had a crazy childhood where he was raised with five siblings in the Hebrew Orphan Asylum of New York before leaving in his teens to ride the rails and enroll himself into a Los Angeles high school before working for the Civilian Conservation Corps during the Great Depression and then becoming a Golden Gloves champ. Known as the World's Greatest Authority, he was a stand-up comedian and staunch Communist who dealt with being blacklisted for most of his career. He also accepted National Book Award Fiction Citation when publicity-shy Thomas Pynchon won it for Gravity's Rainbow, panhandle for charity into his 90s and lived to be 104. He's also in Chatterbox.)

As Bill and Carol share their issues with the court, the judge -- who is, of course, the angel Gabriel -- shows how lovers from the beginning of time, like Adam and Eve, Queen Isabella and Christopher Columbus, King Arthur and Lady Guinevere and even cavemen have all fought.

Keep an eye out for Patricia Tallman, who would go on to play Barbara in the remake of Night of the Living Dead, as well as stand-up Eddie Brill. Otherwise, well, this is Troma trying to make a Zucker Brothers movie without any of the skill or talent. But let me tell you, as a pre-teen standing there in a mom and pop video store and not understanding the power of the posterior, I stared at this VHS box for what probably added up to be several months. I still never rented it.
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