Am I in the horrors or the twilight zone?
'Blood Moon.' Didn't I watch this last night? A perpetual cycle of DeJa'Vu? Am I going to write the same review word for word?
'Nightmare on Elm Street' music kicks off the movie.
A ninja dressed in nun attire patrols a prestigious reform school for naughty girls.
This smacks of early 1980, but was released in 1990?
Unknown actress #1, Jackie, cries for Argentina while exclaiming, "It's not fair." What is she going to do next? Sing the Moving Pictures "What about Me?" song. Without direction or purpose in life, Jackie places herself in danger and walks right into Jason's wooded playground, and already the hunt is on.
The start hasn't even laid a plot for the rest of the movie to follow, and already, only two minutes in, two people are dead.
The ninja patrol officer talks to herself, which sets her up as a potential suspect.
Basically, the movie just drops you in a secluded school, and all these naughty British girls are all candidates for slaughter in a senseless movie.
It's been established by two former Bronski Beat members that we're in Winchester somewhere.
Bleak old Winchester soon turns into Summer Bay, where the River Boy gang members confront opposing invaders and brawl over the flavor of a slushy.
I bet all these actors went on to greener pastures with flourishing careers in the industry.
What is this movie trying to be - a horror, soap opera, comedy, or drama? Oh boy, this movie's in need of some Britannia Rescue roadside assistance. Either the movie or I am treading water here.
A ball takes place as filler just to showcase some 80s hairband songs, where it then rips off 'The Karate Kid' as a gang of elite baddies, led by Vanilla Ice, chases the invisible shower curtain character out into the parking lot, and another confrontation unfolds. Jack Vidgen there looks like a Ken Doll.
This is borderline 'Home & Away' TV quality acting as Sandy from 'Grease' rings her mother in Los Angeles, who's clearly masking a British accent.
She blabs something about not wanting to return to Australia; don't spoil it, Danny. Speak with deeper diaphragms, lady; you sound like a fairy. "Oh, Frenchie, do you think my dress is nice?" Oh boy.
Forgetting that it's supposed to be a horror movie, they throw in a quick, two-minute scene of two strangers being bopped off. One's strangled with a crown of thorns, the other assaulted by a tree.
Vanilla Ice proves how suave he is by sleeping with his science teacher, and I don't know how this enhances the storyline in any way, horror-wise.
Um, is this 'Puberty Blues' meets 'Blue Lagoon' and crosses with 'Home & Away' mixed with a smidgen of horror here and there?
An after-hours school scene ups the tempo, where the killer is revealed as an impotent, dumpy science teacher of no importance. He sees to it that two Summer Bay detention students fail his class by erasing them permanently for cheating.
None of that earlier 'Karate Kid' tit-for-tat business blended with any horror aspects. It only offsets any attempt at suspense.
There was no rhyme or reason why the science teacher committed any of these offenses.
The movie ends in a bloodbath, with bodies dropping everywhere.
The penguin ninja throws holy water on the science teacher, proving he's the work of the devil and not of this earth.
The science demon overcomes a melted face and arms himself with a sacred firearm locked in the holy trinity's lost and found cabinet, which is used to presumably, um, I don't know, as the movie just ends with hose water raining down on a house.
And for the record, there's not one reference in the entire movie why it's called 'Blood Moon.'
'Blood Moon.' Didn't I watch this last night? A perpetual cycle of DeJa'Vu? Am I going to write the same review word for word?
'Nightmare on Elm Street' music kicks off the movie.
A ninja dressed in nun attire patrols a prestigious reform school for naughty girls.
This smacks of early 1980, but was released in 1990?
Unknown actress #1, Jackie, cries for Argentina while exclaiming, "It's not fair." What is she going to do next? Sing the Moving Pictures "What about Me?" song. Without direction or purpose in life, Jackie places herself in danger and walks right into Jason's wooded playground, and already the hunt is on.
The start hasn't even laid a plot for the rest of the movie to follow, and already, only two minutes in, two people are dead.
The ninja patrol officer talks to herself, which sets her up as a potential suspect.
Basically, the movie just drops you in a secluded school, and all these naughty British girls are all candidates for slaughter in a senseless movie.
It's been established by two former Bronski Beat members that we're in Winchester somewhere.
Bleak old Winchester soon turns into Summer Bay, where the River Boy gang members confront opposing invaders and brawl over the flavor of a slushy.
I bet all these actors went on to greener pastures with flourishing careers in the industry.
What is this movie trying to be - a horror, soap opera, comedy, or drama? Oh boy, this movie's in need of some Britannia Rescue roadside assistance. Either the movie or I am treading water here.
A ball takes place as filler just to showcase some 80s hairband songs, where it then rips off 'The Karate Kid' as a gang of elite baddies, led by Vanilla Ice, chases the invisible shower curtain character out into the parking lot, and another confrontation unfolds. Jack Vidgen there looks like a Ken Doll.
This is borderline 'Home & Away' TV quality acting as Sandy from 'Grease' rings her mother in Los Angeles, who's clearly masking a British accent.
She blabs something about not wanting to return to Australia; don't spoil it, Danny. Speak with deeper diaphragms, lady; you sound like a fairy. "Oh, Frenchie, do you think my dress is nice?" Oh boy.
Forgetting that it's supposed to be a horror movie, they throw in a quick, two-minute scene of two strangers being bopped off. One's strangled with a crown of thorns, the other assaulted by a tree.
Vanilla Ice proves how suave he is by sleeping with his science teacher, and I don't know how this enhances the storyline in any way, horror-wise.
Um, is this 'Puberty Blues' meets 'Blue Lagoon' and crosses with 'Home & Away' mixed with a smidgen of horror here and there?
An after-hours school scene ups the tempo, where the killer is revealed as an impotent, dumpy science teacher of no importance. He sees to it that two Summer Bay detention students fail his class by erasing them permanently for cheating.
None of that earlier 'Karate Kid' tit-for-tat business blended with any horror aspects. It only offsets any attempt at suspense.
There was no rhyme or reason why the science teacher committed any of these offenses.
The movie ends in a bloodbath, with bodies dropping everywhere.
The penguin ninja throws holy water on the science teacher, proving he's the work of the devil and not of this earth.
The science demon overcomes a melted face and arms himself with a sacred firearm locked in the holy trinity's lost and found cabinet, which is used to presumably, um, I don't know, as the movie just ends with hose water raining down on a house.
And for the record, there's not one reference in the entire movie why it's called 'Blood Moon.'