I'm really scraping the barrel in my movie collection, as I'm running out of crap to watch. I felt like watching something festive tonight, as it's close to December, so I settled on whatever this is.
Well, we're off to a good start, as ole Jack Ging is in this. What a brilliant actor! Remember him in that other movie he made? What a fine performance.
An old lady has slit one wrist, and crimson blood trickles on the carpet. At least it's red, keeping up with the Christmas appearance. She fails in her attempt to exit this earth and is ungrateful for her saviors' heroics. A simple alcohol swab, and she's right as rain and still in the game. Her only wish this Christmas is to die.
Not much is happening so far in this dinosaur other than two alcoholics saluting a portrait of Grandpa from 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre.' A washed-up spinster is hired at a bargain basement rate to babysit the ungrateful bag with the suicidal tendencies. It comes with the condition that she must see to it that the old bag must die by any means. A bonus incentive of $25,000 will be awarded, like an instant scratch prize, if it's done as fast as possible.
On a scale of one to ten, the suicidal one is an ironing board. She looks like my kindergarten teacher or Fred Figglehorn wearing a wig.
The movie reaches no 'Speed' or 'Fast and Furious' levels.
By the looks of that atomic bus that arrived in town earlier in the movie, this time capsule was filmed in the 40s but was transported to the 70s and comes complete with gas cannister warning labels where you're liable to suffer from a caustic burn if you watch it too much.
Jack Ging and the hired spinster warm to the idea of inheriting the suicidal ones belongings and stamping their deadly contract by locking lips and forming a contract to succeed.
This crap is prying 90 minutes of my time away from me. I'm only up to the 32-minute mark, so I still have to endure another hour of this misery.
Why doesn't what's her name just do us all a favor and "do it" right now and end this movie at the 37-minute mark instead of dragging it out?
It's a depressing concept for a movie plot.
She's not a likeable person. She has no friends. She's unattractive. She's so unloved that even her own brother, Jack Ging, doesn't want to win Mega Millions but instead wills her to roll over so he can inherit everything. She's so pathetic that even the rose garden bed died and shriveled away. A scarecrow is what she is.
Jack Ging goes to desperate measures in purchasing some cyanide and was clever enough not to search online for methods to waste humans, as he knew his history web browser would have given him up when the FBI lab technicians traced his activity.
But how will he administer the cyanide to the scarecrow? Oh, please, the poison is straight from 'The Road Runner' cartoon! It's called Acme Q-Kill. They stole this idea from The Candy Man! All that hogwash about razorblades in apples never killed anyone in real life, but this guy did with cyanide candy. It burns your insides like a microwave, apparently. I told you this movie was from the 40s! I'm on point tonight, I tells ya. I got it going on. This is "The Quickening" when I'm on fire and nailing crime scenes! Word.
Ging seems to be lacing a doobie with the crap, or is he cutting it in small doses and mixing it with pills?
Wait a minute. If Jack Ging wanted his sister out of the picture, then why did he save her at the very beginning of the movie with the doctor?
The scarecrow is contacted by the Emperor and ordered to move out of the asteroid field to receive a clearer signal. We're then given the backstory of how Grandpa came to be a dehydrated yet still breathing corpse, and the whole family is corrupted by greed.
The scarecrow continues to defy everybody, including the viewer, and I wonder if it'll all be reversed at the end and she comes out on top.
Jack Ging's stress levels are stretched as the scarecrow refuses to cark it, and he takes his frustrations out on the hired spinster, who's now webbed in his deceit, and she herself may become a victim in his desperate game as their relationship is souring by the minute. I'd split ASAP if I were you, lady.
What other idiot watches this in 2023?
Finally, the scarecrow "does it." About time! One hour and 15 minutes into the movie, and we're spared her presence. She's not in the final 15 minutes of the movie, and a weight is lifted off the viewer.
It all unravels at the end for Jack Ging, backfires, and doesn't go according to plan.
The spinster quivers at the knees, reneges on the deal, and turns state evidence in exchange for amnesty.
The house is left to an illegal part-time assistant.
And the hired spinster is taken away in Joni Mitchell's big yellow taxi.
The movie may have ended with the assumption that Jack Ging was put away for a long time, but I wouldn't sell him out that short, as no doubt he would have wrangled a legal maneuver and found a loophole to reverse all charges and countersue all parties involved, as he's too clever.
With this movie disappearing in its time capsule, along with Jack Ging, we'll never know what he's up to now or what year he jumped to, for that matter.
Jack Ging is still out there.
Make no mistake; he must be stopped.
Oh, wait, that was Dracula.
Well, we're off to a good start, as ole Jack Ging is in this. What a brilliant actor! Remember him in that other movie he made? What a fine performance.
An old lady has slit one wrist, and crimson blood trickles on the carpet. At least it's red, keeping up with the Christmas appearance. She fails in her attempt to exit this earth and is ungrateful for her saviors' heroics. A simple alcohol swab, and she's right as rain and still in the game. Her only wish this Christmas is to die.
Not much is happening so far in this dinosaur other than two alcoholics saluting a portrait of Grandpa from 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre.' A washed-up spinster is hired at a bargain basement rate to babysit the ungrateful bag with the suicidal tendencies. It comes with the condition that she must see to it that the old bag must die by any means. A bonus incentive of $25,000 will be awarded, like an instant scratch prize, if it's done as fast as possible.
On a scale of one to ten, the suicidal one is an ironing board. She looks like my kindergarten teacher or Fred Figglehorn wearing a wig.
The movie reaches no 'Speed' or 'Fast and Furious' levels.
By the looks of that atomic bus that arrived in town earlier in the movie, this time capsule was filmed in the 40s but was transported to the 70s and comes complete with gas cannister warning labels where you're liable to suffer from a caustic burn if you watch it too much.
Jack Ging and the hired spinster warm to the idea of inheriting the suicidal ones belongings and stamping their deadly contract by locking lips and forming a contract to succeed.
This crap is prying 90 minutes of my time away from me. I'm only up to the 32-minute mark, so I still have to endure another hour of this misery.
Why doesn't what's her name just do us all a favor and "do it" right now and end this movie at the 37-minute mark instead of dragging it out?
It's a depressing concept for a movie plot.
She's not a likeable person. She has no friends. She's unattractive. She's so unloved that even her own brother, Jack Ging, doesn't want to win Mega Millions but instead wills her to roll over so he can inherit everything. She's so pathetic that even the rose garden bed died and shriveled away. A scarecrow is what she is.
Jack Ging goes to desperate measures in purchasing some cyanide and was clever enough not to search online for methods to waste humans, as he knew his history web browser would have given him up when the FBI lab technicians traced his activity.
But how will he administer the cyanide to the scarecrow? Oh, please, the poison is straight from 'The Road Runner' cartoon! It's called Acme Q-Kill. They stole this idea from The Candy Man! All that hogwash about razorblades in apples never killed anyone in real life, but this guy did with cyanide candy. It burns your insides like a microwave, apparently. I told you this movie was from the 40s! I'm on point tonight, I tells ya. I got it going on. This is "The Quickening" when I'm on fire and nailing crime scenes! Word.
Ging seems to be lacing a doobie with the crap, or is he cutting it in small doses and mixing it with pills?
Wait a minute. If Jack Ging wanted his sister out of the picture, then why did he save her at the very beginning of the movie with the doctor?
The scarecrow is contacted by the Emperor and ordered to move out of the asteroid field to receive a clearer signal. We're then given the backstory of how Grandpa came to be a dehydrated yet still breathing corpse, and the whole family is corrupted by greed.
The scarecrow continues to defy everybody, including the viewer, and I wonder if it'll all be reversed at the end and she comes out on top.
Jack Ging's stress levels are stretched as the scarecrow refuses to cark it, and he takes his frustrations out on the hired spinster, who's now webbed in his deceit, and she herself may become a victim in his desperate game as their relationship is souring by the minute. I'd split ASAP if I were you, lady.
What other idiot watches this in 2023?
Finally, the scarecrow "does it." About time! One hour and 15 minutes into the movie, and we're spared her presence. She's not in the final 15 minutes of the movie, and a weight is lifted off the viewer.
It all unravels at the end for Jack Ging, backfires, and doesn't go according to plan.
The spinster quivers at the knees, reneges on the deal, and turns state evidence in exchange for amnesty.
The house is left to an illegal part-time assistant.
And the hired spinster is taken away in Joni Mitchell's big yellow taxi.
The movie may have ended with the assumption that Jack Ging was put away for a long time, but I wouldn't sell him out that short, as no doubt he would have wrangled a legal maneuver and found a loophole to reverse all charges and countersue all parties involved, as he's too clever.
With this movie disappearing in its time capsule, along with Jack Ging, we'll never know what he's up to now or what year he jumped to, for that matter.
Jack Ging is still out there.
Make no mistake; he must be stopped.
Oh, wait, that was Dracula.