School's out, and cheerleaders are spelling out their freedom. This particular mob looks one generation after The Beach Boys just ended.
I'm not in the mood for goofy comedy. The days of 'Porkies' and 'Smokie and the Bandit' are long gone.
David Hasselhoff steps out of the ocean and onto the wrong movie set.
I don't want to watch this! I want something with a more sinister edge. Something gritty.
So, a sand dog is well trained to steal sunbather bikini tops, but two times in 5 minutes with the same scene? Make that three times in six minutes. (By the movie's end, it plays out after the tenth time.) Is the whole movie going to be centered around Malibu Beach with budding comedians who aren't even funny?
No, I'm not in the mood for this tonight! It was a mistake to opt for 'Malibu Beach.'
That girly boy's not even riding that motorcycle. He needs to use a stunt double for that scene.
This crap sucks. I'm not one for using juvenile statements like that, but if the karate kid can use it, then I can too! This movie sucks, man.
It's just a movie for jocks and pretty people. And here lies the problem with this movie: There's not one likeable character among them. All these preppy mutts are the type who'd be second-tier to Johnny Lawrence's clique in high school.
Is there even a storyline to this movie?
Let's see a show of hands. Who wants to watch a movie about a bunch of exclusive rich kids from Malibu having a good time, smoking crazy tobacco, drinking beer, and trying to score with their own kind? Then this crap is for you, and it's so outdated that it doesn't belong in 2023.
I find this highly offensive.
I'd rather be down in the trenches on the sixth street bridge when it used to look like the sixth street bridge and not the new earthquake-proof concrete monster it is today. Wasn't the old bridge heritage listed? Well, Los Angeles today has lost some of its landscape charm without the old bridge, which had personality.
This time waster, 'Malibu Beach' is so lame that none of the characters even have names.
Oh, look, the old-school Cracker Jack box! I only wrote about that the other day. The stoner cop, without a name, is chowing down Cracker Jack after his weed trip called to the munchies.
Huey Lewis on steroids shows up on the beach in an attempt to boost the movie's lack of direction and tries to bring some macho flare, but I'd rather watch frozen fish sticks defrost and turn floppy than show any respect to this crap.
Okay, let's see a show of hands again. Who has four fingers and two thumbs?
Wow, let's appeal to the stoner crowd and just put a poster of Led Zeppelin on this chick's wall. Where'd she get that from, Teen Magazine?
I was actually in the mood to watch something with Don the Dragon Wilson tonight, not this.
I bet the director and everyone else involved with production were all from this region.
A shark attack. That's what this movie needs - a shark attack to liven things up. Anything other than what's on display, as it's not following a script.
If this crap was filmed today, 98% of these clean skins would be covered in tattoos.
Am I supposed to be laughing at anything that happens in this movie? I would if the writer hadn't vacated his position and whoever replaced him forgot to include elements of comedy.
Even the stoner cop nails this movie at the 51:29 minute mark with the line, "This is depressing." You said it, guy.
And what's this at the 52:44 minute mark, 'American Graffiti?" Is that Han Solo complimenting the mellow yellow of that ladie's jacket?
Speaking of Don the Dragon Wilson, does anyone remember that movie of his where he played a repo man and encountered Goldie Locks, who was like a bull and saw red whenever he saw Kelly LeBrock sporting that dress? I'd rather watch that than this.
Look at these childish twits driving around in bumper cars being five-year-olds. This movie is absolutely pointless.
Where'd the bullying storyline with Huey Lewis on steroids go?
What's this movie actually trying to be? They've gone ahead and made a movie without writing it first. They're just ad libbing their direction to see if anything works.
A meteorite hitting the beach and all these mutanoid slime beasts invading Malibu right now is what this crap requires.
There's no saving this garbage. I haven't laughed once, and that's even with the dog exposing naked women.
Around the one-hour, 11-minute mark, another actor said, "I don't care!" And neither do I.
I don't think I can finish this.
This movie is so bland that my mind just wandered back to the time I owned fish, and this one particular one used to always have a two-inch strand of excrement hanging off its belly.
'Malibu Beach' even looks stupid in fast forward.
Apparently the movie ends like 'Grease' only in a swimming race, which is filmed plain dumb when sped up.
I can't believe I own this DVD.
Who farted? You've stunk out my room! Oh, it's this frigging movie emitting obnoxious foul odors!
Again, this movie sucks, man, it sucks!
YUCK in capitals.
I'm not in the mood for goofy comedy. The days of 'Porkies' and 'Smokie and the Bandit' are long gone.
David Hasselhoff steps out of the ocean and onto the wrong movie set.
I don't want to watch this! I want something with a more sinister edge. Something gritty.
So, a sand dog is well trained to steal sunbather bikini tops, but two times in 5 minutes with the same scene? Make that three times in six minutes. (By the movie's end, it plays out after the tenth time.) Is the whole movie going to be centered around Malibu Beach with budding comedians who aren't even funny?
No, I'm not in the mood for this tonight! It was a mistake to opt for 'Malibu Beach.'
That girly boy's not even riding that motorcycle. He needs to use a stunt double for that scene.
This crap sucks. I'm not one for using juvenile statements like that, but if the karate kid can use it, then I can too! This movie sucks, man.
It's just a movie for jocks and pretty people. And here lies the problem with this movie: There's not one likeable character among them. All these preppy mutts are the type who'd be second-tier to Johnny Lawrence's clique in high school.
Is there even a storyline to this movie?
Let's see a show of hands. Who wants to watch a movie about a bunch of exclusive rich kids from Malibu having a good time, smoking crazy tobacco, drinking beer, and trying to score with their own kind? Then this crap is for you, and it's so outdated that it doesn't belong in 2023.
I find this highly offensive.
I'd rather be down in the trenches on the sixth street bridge when it used to look like the sixth street bridge and not the new earthquake-proof concrete monster it is today. Wasn't the old bridge heritage listed? Well, Los Angeles today has lost some of its landscape charm without the old bridge, which had personality.
This time waster, 'Malibu Beach' is so lame that none of the characters even have names.
Oh, look, the old-school Cracker Jack box! I only wrote about that the other day. The stoner cop, without a name, is chowing down Cracker Jack after his weed trip called to the munchies.
Huey Lewis on steroids shows up on the beach in an attempt to boost the movie's lack of direction and tries to bring some macho flare, but I'd rather watch frozen fish sticks defrost and turn floppy than show any respect to this crap.
Okay, let's see a show of hands again. Who has four fingers and two thumbs?
Wow, let's appeal to the stoner crowd and just put a poster of Led Zeppelin on this chick's wall. Where'd she get that from, Teen Magazine?
I was actually in the mood to watch something with Don the Dragon Wilson tonight, not this.
I bet the director and everyone else involved with production were all from this region.
A shark attack. That's what this movie needs - a shark attack to liven things up. Anything other than what's on display, as it's not following a script.
If this crap was filmed today, 98% of these clean skins would be covered in tattoos.
Am I supposed to be laughing at anything that happens in this movie? I would if the writer hadn't vacated his position and whoever replaced him forgot to include elements of comedy.
Even the stoner cop nails this movie at the 51:29 minute mark with the line, "This is depressing." You said it, guy.
And what's this at the 52:44 minute mark, 'American Graffiti?" Is that Han Solo complimenting the mellow yellow of that ladie's jacket?
Speaking of Don the Dragon Wilson, does anyone remember that movie of his where he played a repo man and encountered Goldie Locks, who was like a bull and saw red whenever he saw Kelly LeBrock sporting that dress? I'd rather watch that than this.
Look at these childish twits driving around in bumper cars being five-year-olds. This movie is absolutely pointless.
Where'd the bullying storyline with Huey Lewis on steroids go?
What's this movie actually trying to be? They've gone ahead and made a movie without writing it first. They're just ad libbing their direction to see if anything works.
A meteorite hitting the beach and all these mutanoid slime beasts invading Malibu right now is what this crap requires.
There's no saving this garbage. I haven't laughed once, and that's even with the dog exposing naked women.
Around the one-hour, 11-minute mark, another actor said, "I don't care!" And neither do I.
I don't think I can finish this.
This movie is so bland that my mind just wandered back to the time I owned fish, and this one particular one used to always have a two-inch strand of excrement hanging off its belly.
'Malibu Beach' even looks stupid in fast forward.
Apparently the movie ends like 'Grease' only in a swimming race, which is filmed plain dumb when sped up.
I can't believe I own this DVD.
Who farted? You've stunk out my room! Oh, it's this frigging movie emitting obnoxious foul odors!
Again, this movie sucks, man, it sucks!
YUCK in capitals.