The movie starts out in 1932 with what looks like Olivia Newton John cursing her daughter with blasphemy and Nostradamus powers. She starts with a bible-thumping, pious spiel like Ed Gein's mother used to preach. Little Rachel sits there, taking it all in word for word, and is under the impression that one day she'll be Satan's bride.
Meanwhile, townsfolk from Nilbog chant themselves into an uproar and march down Dust and Street like a lynch mob, no doubt in pursuit of Olivia Newton John and Rachel.
She's pitchforked by Ezra Cobb and branded with a hot poker to remind her that she's the hot property of hell.
An undercover priest is exposed as an agent of evil and clobbered, while Olivia Newton John is set ablaze and mouths off curses to all involved. I think I've only seen this one hundred other times.
A comical 'Tales From the Crypt' cartoon intro sees little Rachel jump to her death out the Sawyer's farmhouse second story window just like Sally did, then the title blazes the screen.
We abruptly jump to 1989 and are on a coach heading south with a mixed bag of New Yorkers.
They interchange in Orlando and head out to the fen 40 miles west, and after only 15 minutes, it's already established that Paul has no business whatsoever being part of this group.
Oh, I just found out this is actually 'Superstition 2.' I have part one. The only good part in the original was the creepy demon making its long-awaited appearance with wind, steam, and neon lights to illuminate its entry. I believe it appeared out of a toilet booth stall. And even then, it was a rip-off of 'The Slayer.'
If legend has it correct, then one of these entitled New Yorkers is the heir to the Sawyer farm, and this kid reminds me of David from 'Grandmother's House.'
Apparitions start to appear in the form of the little dead girl. At times, it's almost a rip-off to Elm Street in some parts with the little girl. (It's a wonder she didn't have a skipping rope.)
What looks like Rod Stewart kisses an ancient Dracula symbol, but the scene's cut poorly, and I can't make out his dial.
Is it any wonder this movie didn't have an official DVD release? My copy lacks color and has all this Japanese writing on the bottom in big, bold symbols.
40 miles out in the middle of nowhere, it must be asked, where'd they get the Kentucky Fried Feast fit for a King from on the first night?
Is it spring break? I have that movie, so I can review it, like the boss that I am.
I haven't a clue who any of the cast members are, so I'm unable to pinpoint any players. They're all young, and for no reason just in the movie to be killed off.
If there's a parallel, it's similar to 'The Mutilator' and they're just here to renovate a rundown dump in need of a facelift. I have that movie at home as well and can review it in my award-winning ways.
Not that I care, but already two are stabbed violently, and it's one of those movies where you don't know if it's real or a dream sequence. Case in point: here's the stab victim at the breakfast table the next morning, chowing down Cheerios.
A cringey scene sees a Sunday school weirdo sing his best religious song while strumming a guitar, so it's established that they aren't genuine New Yorkers but more from Georgia.
Is it safe to say that one would be better off watching 'Troll 2' instead?
Around the 44-minute mark, the movie does something right and kills off annoying actor Paul. He's labeled a pig but not made to squeal like Ned Beatty. I'd say good riddance, but he appears later laughing from hell.
Apparently Olivia Newton John is possessing some of the party by using their bodies to do her dirty work.
To prove how directionless this garbage is, what looks like Rick Moranis drives around in the dark on a tractor for no reason, as they can't think of any other useful purpose for his character.
Then Simone, an alien-looking chick with high cheekbones, is startled by an Elm Street dream due to a cellar door bursting open in the attic! Yes, you read correctly. This tunnel to hell storyline leads nowhere and isn't revisited. Was that an 'Evil Dead' reference? But up in the attic?
The kid who was stabbed at the beginning and died, David from 'Grandmother's House,' was just chainsawed to death in a giant septic tank, but no worries, as he'll probably turn up the next morning again.
Rick Moranis grazes over the little dead girl and dices her to shreds, but she'll survive as well, considering she survived the two-story window jump at the start.
And there you go; she's in the next scene, killing the alien-faced one with an oversized Castlevania weapon. Surely she must have activated the GameGenie cheat code for invincibility?
Um, believe it or not, but the alien faced one and David, both of whom have died already, just appeared in a car screaming at each other, and I couldn't care less what happens from here on out as I've had my fill after an hour.
I wish I could take this movie to court, have a judge find it guilty, and recompense my time.
The garbage has completely 360°ed and turned into some vampire hunter tripe with the assistance of resistant priest freedom fighters. One succumbs to an earthquake and falls 10 stories.
Elements of Elm Street 4 surface, and judging by the size of my toenails, I believe they're in need of a pedicure.
Elements of 'Evil Dead' surface as well, and has anyone ever smelled toenail when freshly cut? How would one describe it? Rotton cheese meets tepid pond water with a touch of dry cow manure.
I'll tell you what smells even worse - dead, dry baby calf with its fur matted out in the sun.
Klaus Kinski, not Rod Stewart, shows up at the end, as does an oversized hard-boiled egg. Don't ask.
Olivia Newton John appears as the big boss as well, and a verbal democracy breaks out where they shout over each other, and I believe I heard the word salami thrown in there somewhere.
Klaus Kinski uses the force that sees a Simon Belmont X weapon impale Olivia Newton John, and this crap should be indicted.
Meanwhile, townsfolk from Nilbog chant themselves into an uproar and march down Dust and Street like a lynch mob, no doubt in pursuit of Olivia Newton John and Rachel.
She's pitchforked by Ezra Cobb and branded with a hot poker to remind her that she's the hot property of hell.
An undercover priest is exposed as an agent of evil and clobbered, while Olivia Newton John is set ablaze and mouths off curses to all involved. I think I've only seen this one hundred other times.
A comical 'Tales From the Crypt' cartoon intro sees little Rachel jump to her death out the Sawyer's farmhouse second story window just like Sally did, then the title blazes the screen.
We abruptly jump to 1989 and are on a coach heading south with a mixed bag of New Yorkers.
They interchange in Orlando and head out to the fen 40 miles west, and after only 15 minutes, it's already established that Paul has no business whatsoever being part of this group.
Oh, I just found out this is actually 'Superstition 2.' I have part one. The only good part in the original was the creepy demon making its long-awaited appearance with wind, steam, and neon lights to illuminate its entry. I believe it appeared out of a toilet booth stall. And even then, it was a rip-off of 'The Slayer.'
If legend has it correct, then one of these entitled New Yorkers is the heir to the Sawyer farm, and this kid reminds me of David from 'Grandmother's House.'
Apparitions start to appear in the form of the little dead girl. At times, it's almost a rip-off to Elm Street in some parts with the little girl. (It's a wonder she didn't have a skipping rope.)
What looks like Rod Stewart kisses an ancient Dracula symbol, but the scene's cut poorly, and I can't make out his dial.
Is it any wonder this movie didn't have an official DVD release? My copy lacks color and has all this Japanese writing on the bottom in big, bold symbols.
40 miles out in the middle of nowhere, it must be asked, where'd they get the Kentucky Fried Feast fit for a King from on the first night?
Is it spring break? I have that movie, so I can review it, like the boss that I am.
I haven't a clue who any of the cast members are, so I'm unable to pinpoint any players. They're all young, and for no reason just in the movie to be killed off.
If there's a parallel, it's similar to 'The Mutilator' and they're just here to renovate a rundown dump in need of a facelift. I have that movie at home as well and can review it in my award-winning ways.
Not that I care, but already two are stabbed violently, and it's one of those movies where you don't know if it's real or a dream sequence. Case in point: here's the stab victim at the breakfast table the next morning, chowing down Cheerios.
A cringey scene sees a Sunday school weirdo sing his best religious song while strumming a guitar, so it's established that they aren't genuine New Yorkers but more from Georgia.
Is it safe to say that one would be better off watching 'Troll 2' instead?
Around the 44-minute mark, the movie does something right and kills off annoying actor Paul. He's labeled a pig but not made to squeal like Ned Beatty. I'd say good riddance, but he appears later laughing from hell.
Apparently Olivia Newton John is possessing some of the party by using their bodies to do her dirty work.
To prove how directionless this garbage is, what looks like Rick Moranis drives around in the dark on a tractor for no reason, as they can't think of any other useful purpose for his character.
Then Simone, an alien-looking chick with high cheekbones, is startled by an Elm Street dream due to a cellar door bursting open in the attic! Yes, you read correctly. This tunnel to hell storyline leads nowhere and isn't revisited. Was that an 'Evil Dead' reference? But up in the attic?
The kid who was stabbed at the beginning and died, David from 'Grandmother's House,' was just chainsawed to death in a giant septic tank, but no worries, as he'll probably turn up the next morning again.
Rick Moranis grazes over the little dead girl and dices her to shreds, but she'll survive as well, considering she survived the two-story window jump at the start.
And there you go; she's in the next scene, killing the alien-faced one with an oversized Castlevania weapon. Surely she must have activated the GameGenie cheat code for invincibility?
Um, believe it or not, but the alien faced one and David, both of whom have died already, just appeared in a car screaming at each other, and I couldn't care less what happens from here on out as I've had my fill after an hour.
I wish I could take this movie to court, have a judge find it guilty, and recompense my time.
The garbage has completely 360°ed and turned into some vampire hunter tripe with the assistance of resistant priest freedom fighters. One succumbs to an earthquake and falls 10 stories.
Elements of Elm Street 4 surface, and judging by the size of my toenails, I believe they're in need of a pedicure.
Elements of 'Evil Dead' surface as well, and has anyone ever smelled toenail when freshly cut? How would one describe it? Rotton cheese meets tepid pond water with a touch of dry cow manure.
I'll tell you what smells even worse - dead, dry baby calf with its fur matted out in the sun.
Klaus Kinski, not Rod Stewart, shows up at the end, as does an oversized hard-boiled egg. Don't ask.
Olivia Newton John appears as the big boss as well, and a verbal democracy breaks out where they shout over each other, and I believe I heard the word salami thrown in there somewhere.
Klaus Kinski uses the force that sees a Simon Belmont X weapon impale Olivia Newton John, and this crap should be indicted.