5/10
Marvelous Marvin's Movie Magic!
25 February 2024
I must be getting soft in my old age. Indio 2 is an objectively terrible film, but I enjoyed it. In this context, a "5" rating means: "Hey, this wasn't as awful as I expected!"

Apparently, I'm not alone in my positive assessment of this film. As of 2024, ten million people have watched Indio 2 on YouTube. (Or at least, one person has watched it ten million times, ha.) It can't be *that* obscure or universally hated.

Of course, Indio 2 is obscure in my home country of the United States, because (most) Americans are uninterested in foreign films and can't wait to make fun of them for having lower budgets. And yet, I'd argue that Indio 2 isn't that much cheesier than 1980s Hollywood fare like Commando. Also, Americans really ought to take an interest in this film, because it stars Marvelous Marvin Hagler - arguably the greatest middleweight boxing champion ever! What a bizarre novelty.

The bad news is, Hagler can't act. His line deliveries are so flat, he makes Arnold Schwarzenegger sound like Laurence Olivier. BUT Hagler still has a great physique and a likeable screen presence. Besides, nobody else in this movie can act except for the villain, so he's in good company.

The plot, meanwhile, reminds me of old Star Trek and Doctor Who episodes - you know, the ones where Captain Kirk or the Doctor inspire an exploited population to rebel against a colonizing force. In the case of Indio 2, Hagler leads a local tribe in battle against an Evil Mining Corporation that is destroying huge sections of rainforest and forcing the native population into slave labor.

This plot makes Indio 2 rather trendy, since it wears it anti-capitalist heart on its sleeve. They ought to screen this thing at Bernie Sanders rallies. That said, this film doesn't really make grand political statements; it's content with settling its big issues through a series of gun battles and Enormous Explosions.

The first Indio has a similar plot, making this a virtual remake. Story-wise, the original film holds together better than this largely pointless sequel. However, Indio 2 features superior action scenes and a much larger role for Hagler. So, if you can only watch one of these turkeys, I heartily recommend this one!

What's more, Indio 2 contains one of the greatest "WTF" moments in cinema history, when Hagler gets into a vicious brawl with a middle-aged madam/arms dealer named Mama Lou. I'd argue that Mama Lou gives Hagler the toughest fight of his entire career. If you thought his epic clash with Tommy Hearns was violent, prepare yourself for something far more brutal. (Hint: metal teeth are involved.)

That part alone makes Indio 2 worth checking out. The battle scene at the end is pretty exciting, too. This may sound like faint praise, but I've seen much worse and much cheaper movies than this. Marvelous Marvin was onto a winner here. And I bet you Sugar Ray Leonard is super jealous, because he sure isn't in any cool Italian action movies.
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