User Reviews

The epitome of porno-chic, Radley Metzger's The Opening of Misty Beethoven offers today's viewers a number of intriguing glimpses: it's a social document recording the values and fantasies of a bygone age, an idea of what erotic cinema could have become had it not abandoned narrative and concentrated entirely on sexual congress, and an object lesson as to why pornographic films didn't continue down the narrative route.

Probably the only hardcore feature based on a play by an Irish Fabian socialist wit, The Opening of Misty Beethoven is a version of George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion. It follows Shaw's plot pretty closely – an arrogant expert happens upon a common girl and takes a wager with his friend that he can turn her from peasant to social beauty in a matter of weeks; in this case, he's a bestselling "sexpert", she's a poor excuse for a whore (she won't even offer her clients blow jobs) and the Colonel Pickering figure is a Joan Collins in Stud-mode high society slut. The wager is that the Professor Higgins figure, here called Dr. Seymour Love, can turn his Eliza Misty Beethoven into the next Golden Rod Girl as chosen by the Hugh Hefner-like Lawrence Lehman. Of course he wins his bet, but offends poor Misty in the process; Metzger's film follows My Fair Lady rather than Pygmalion by having the girl return to her Svengali at the end, but instead of having her tie him up as her slave rather than slavishly fetch his slippers.

The film is beautifully made, with high-class direction, real production values and gorgeous cinematography with some sophisticated camera-work (much of which is diminished by the pan-and-scanning which goes on in the available DVD). Yet there's no getting away from the idea that a meat-shot is a meat-shot, and the constant close-ups of grinding genetalia act in a dialectic with the glossy sets and snazzy costumes rather than complementing them. There's something basic and base about a split beaver or cumming dick which no amount of packaging can dress up, but the dressing up and relative sophistication of the plot does the effect the erotic potential of the hardcore – it seems amazing to me that people could get off on this, but the grinding and ever-present human organs make it impossible to simply passively consume the characters and plot. The film works best as a kind of critique of Hollywood storytelling, in which the reality of human social relations – the f**king basics – are brought to the surface to make a mockery of pretensions to art, civilisation and classiness. The dandy wit of Shaw and the ornate veneer of Lerner and Loewe are undermined totally by the writhing bodies penetrating each other in orgiastic frenzy.

There's something intensely subversive about seeing a row of neatly dressed serving men with their trousers down and their dicks being jerked and sucked by a kneeling woman – it's like the entire veneer of class society is being torn apart. Yet the film's narrative never questions social relations, and the film like an airport bestseller or TV's Dynasty is obsessed by the sex lives of the rich and feckless – they are posited as our fantasy selves, and enact what are supposed to be our desires. Post-AIDS and with an awareness of Bust & Boon, the whole thing looks more than a little hollow.

Yet The Opening of Misty Beethoven is a classic of sorts. The sheer force of will by which it realises its polymorphously perverse world of wealthy decadence into visual and dramatic existence is impressive; it tells us where the obsessions of the culture that made it lay – it imagines an alternative reality, a pornotopia where everything especially sex is always available and, for good or ill, this was a product of the values of its time; it lays them bare for all to see; what does that for us now? Some of the performers - notably Jamie Gillis as Seymour Love - have real talent and magnetism. It would be fascinating to see it on a big screen in some kind of restored print – it deserves it no less than many a silent film classic.

What Shaw would have made of it all is pretty unimaginable – but he might have been intrigued by the film's ideal of a woman made strong, who can sexually service men who think they're Napoleon or Caesar (both of which historical figures we see characters dressed as in the film, and both of whom are Shavian heroes) but in the end can be bound by a woman's hand. The film suggests that men do shape women into their fantasies, but this is an opening rather than an imprisonment for women who take this as opportunity rather than abuse. Which is a more or less precise account of the ambiguities of Shavian feminism

I'm a big fan of Jamie Gillis' acting work in porn - the man is a true pimp and cock-smith, and also has the rare talent (amongst porn actors) of actually being a "good" actor who can carry a feature-length porn film on his acting skills. I'm still partial to WATER POWER (my all-time-favorite porn film), and THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS - but THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN is another great plot-driven porn film that is equal parts fun, entertaining, and erotic.

Gillis plays Seymour Love, an author of sex books who meets trashy hooker Misty Beethoven at a Paris porn theater. Love decides to "make-over" Beethoven in order to transform her from lowly street-hooker to a "classy" hooker. His goal is to make Misty the next "Golden Rod" girl, which is basically the next "it" girl amongst the sexually discriminating. The film is basically Misty's "training" to become the best cock-sucker in town, and Love's spirited guidance of her...

THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN is sort of a cross between ROCKY and PRETTY WOMAN, but with 70s puss-fros and pop-shots. Constance Money as Misty is a joy to behold as she has the cute "girl-next-door" quality that makes her all the more sexy. Gillis as usual is very natural and "charming" in his role, and it is a pleasure to watch a porn star actually turn in a strong acting job. There are also several genuinely funny scenes that make OPENING a truly fun and "light" 70s porn entry. The sex scenes are nothing stellar, which keeps this one from getting a "great" rating from me - but still definitely recommended for Gillis and/or classic porn fans...8/10

Adult films probably never had as big of a budget or as rich of a look as this movie, which was shot in New York City, Rome and Paris.

Dr. Seymour Love (Jamie Gillis) is our Dr. Henry Higgins because this is Pygmalion or My Fair Lady. He is transforming common streetwalker Dolores "Misty" Beethoven (Constance Money), a woman whom Love believes he can make into an elite and elevated lady who will impress Geraldine Rich (Jacqueline Beudant), the Colonel Pickering of this movie.

The goal will be that by the time of a party thrown by magazine publisher Lawrence Layman (Ras Kean) and his wife Barbara (Gloria Leonard), Misty will be the most wanted woman in the world. That's not Kean in the threeway scene that follows. Instead, the female on male penetration has the stunt body of Casey Donovan. He's also the homosexual art dealer who Misty seduces.

This was shot by cinematographer Paul Glickman, who used the name Robert Rochester. He was also the cinematographer for The Stuff and God Told Me To, as well as the director of photography for Al Adamson's Dracula vs. Frankenstein. He was also nominated for the Best Animated Short Film Oscar for Calypso Singer and El Salon Mexico.

Radley Metzger's The Opening of Misty Beethoven is probably the film all fans of the porn genre will want to see. A spin on George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion, the film charts the rise of Misty Beethoven from down-beat prostitute to become, under the tutelage of Dr. Seymour Love, the most expert of all prostitutes. This film boasts a superb script, humour, a fine musical score and some impressive production values. No expense seems to have been spared in getting location shots in Paris, Rome - including a grand villa - and an apartment in one of those converted warehouses where the old lift opens onto the apartment.

The film is a treat for the senses as misty goes about her education in the sexual arts; the maids and valets in various locations around the villa engaged in sexual acts; the look of boredom - yes really - on the servants as Misty begins her education; the theatre scene in which a couple are unsure of their actions. The music, too, is well chosen; just by listening to it, one immediately knows that this is the 1970s - apart from the William Tell Overture, of course. Who would not want to fly on an airline which offers sexual relief as part of the service - and stewardesses who have a nifty way to smuggle Cuban cigars past customs.

Ultimately, this is a porn film and it is in this respect that it loses points. The extreme close-ups just got too boring. Obviously, this film is about Misty learning the ways of using her mouth but again there is just too much of it. In fact, it was a welcome change when ordinary sex appeared on screen. Also, I was not keen at all on the male gay sex clip.

Sorry people! It is understandable why this film has achieved classic status but for me there was just too much of the same thing - and in extreme close-up. As the old saying goes, variety is the spice of life so a bit of variety would have been most welcome.

Cocky noted sexologist Dr. Seymour Love (a superbly sharp and suave performance by Jamie Gillis) takes coarse lowly street walker Misty Beethoven (a terrifically tart portrayal by the sensuous and sumptuous Constance Money) under his wing. Love and his worldly cohort Geraldine (an excellent turn by the beautiful Jacqueline Beudant in her lone foray into film acting) train Misty to become an exceptional lover and seductress so Misty can be named the Goldenrod Girl at a wild gala party held by self-absorbed famous publisher Lawrence Layman (well played to vain perfection by the handsome Ras Kean). Zipping along at a constant brisk pace and across two continents, sparkling with witty dialogue and a winningly racy sense of clever naughty humor, further enhanced by explicit and genuinely erotic sex scenes that never become too graphic or vulgar, and populated by colorful characters that are drawn with refreshing depth, writer/director Radley Metzger brings a wonderfully breezy'n'classy sophisticated quality and sensibility that elevates this picture to the lofty heights of true greatness. The ace acting by a top-rate cast of familiar and popular 70's porn regulars helps a whole lot: Gloria Leonard as Layman's snarky, yet poised assistant Barbara, Terri Hall as the cheery Tanya, Calvin Culver as an impotent art dealer, and Mary Stewart and Jenny Baxter as a pair of sexy flight attendants. Popping up in nifty bits are such folks as Michael Gaunt, Marlene Willoughby, Nancy Dare, and even successful mainstream character actor Mark Margolis of "Breaking Bad" fame in his uncredited debut role as the grumpy airplane passenger asking for a glass of brandy. The neatly varied and energetic score keeps things bouncing along. Paul Glickman's glossy cinematography provides an impressive polished look. Essential viewing for 70's adult cinema aficionados.

What should I say about adult film classic that has not been said before? I'm sure George Bernard Shaw might find this complimentary to his family play ," Pygmalion ," if he was a fan of black market stag films of that time. If he was a prude, forget it. I had the old DVD before, unlike the VHS version that VCA cut the dildo sequence out. In the DVD version they put it back on. I got the restored upgrade and what really facinates me is the technical side. Now ," Video X Pics has reverted back to it's name ," Distripix and they the classic and they had it fixed up,too. I had known the classic for years and now I see there are some problem with the sex scenes. Not that they are not entertaining, but, it is the cliqueshe's on the sex scene. Radely Metsger was trying to show real sex with humor,but, looking at it again it forces the sex and makes it less erotic and more stupid. It could not be helped. Never less it's still a good movie to watch, collect or theatrical issue to theater. Another problem was when Distripix got the original three track sound ,they didn't remix it with very strong stereo signals. I am a audio file. I know a good stereo and bad signals. The voices were Three D in close up shots going right to the left and other way. Some distance back ground noises came from the left, but, they kept many aspects of the back ground music less Three D. The stereo was only fair. The movie itself was part Porno Chic, which still thrives as home video , Blu- Ray and internet stream today. As drive in theaters, only a few adult theaters exist. I got the movie to upgraded to my DVD so I'm not bothered by the stereo sound not being great. You have Jamie Gillis's last interview. He is a sex positive . He was angry at sex negative Indie film maker Paul Thomas Anderson . Like Hollywood ,he either pays lip service or believes the political ,moral, religious conservative to moderate moral code by 2019 standards. Jamie complained how Anderson distorted the truth about the business. This includes Jamie's cable adult show. He blasted Burt Reynolds sex negative attitude . In another aspect you have a fan, name Ben ,who acts a little negative ,who met Jamie Gillis before Jamie died. Ben was not positive about New York's original time square sexiness . VHS and the internet and apathy gave power to the old New Yorkers to destroy New York cities public sexual freedom with the aid of in justice Ruth Ginsberg is to blame . There is a part in which their is an attempt to find Constance Money and interview her. She was trying to use adult as a stepping stone to family. She wanted to play Frances Farmer in film autobiography ,but, your family film producers discriminated and she was not known enough. You also have in the Blu- Ray reviews and advertisement for the films .I forgot to mention that Constance is writing her autobiography. The Blu-ray disc includes the soft version .Still one of the best adult films ever made and shot in six weeks. That is big for adult features . The. business does not do that anymore. 09/08/19