High Spirits (1988)
Steve Guttenberg: Jack
Photos
Quotes
-
Jack : Hi, Marty!
[surprised after Martin has come flying through the window to pin Jack to the wall]
Martin Brogan : Where's the wife?
[Jack points towards the stairs; Martin looks at Mary and turns back]
Martin Brogan : Not mine, you dolt. Yours!
-
Jack : [reading from a book] "A ghost may not tup with a human." So this means a ghost cannot make love with a human being. Oh, my God!
Jack : [as Sharon enters the room] Mary?
Sharon : [annoyed] Who's Mary? Who's this Mary?
Jack : She's a woman. She's a ghost.
Sharon : [upset] Oh, Jack, don't start this ghost stuff again.
Jack : She's someone I care about. It's funny how you can care. I think I'm falling in love...
Sharon : Jack, don't stand there and tell me that you're having an affair with a goddamn ghost.
Jack : Well, I am!
Sharon : [mad] That's it! Your lawyer, my lawyer -- and I hope your ghost has a lawyer, because I want to meet him.
Jack : [the 2 ghosts appear] Here she is! This is Mary the ghost. And that's Martin the ghost!
Sharon : That's the man that was in my bathtub!
Jack : [Jack and Sharon are witnessing Mary and Martin's fatal argument] They're having problems in their relationship.
Sharon : No, Jack, we're having problems in OUR relationship.
-
Sharon : [she is standing in the bathtub, taking a shower; the ghost of Martin appears behind her] Jack, is that you?
Sharon : [she thinks she is talking to her hubby Jack] God, I don't know what happened to me, but I feel zonked. I've got pains all over my body. Could you rub my back?
Sharon : [she thinks Jack is too scared to touch her, because they just had an argument] Well, go on, Jack. I won't bite.
Sharon : [the ghost of Martin gives her a sensual back-rub; Sharon gets turned on] Oh, Jack, you never did it like THAT before. Mmmmm.
Martin Brogan : [keeps massaging her body, talking softly to himself] Saint Patrick. Saint Jude. Saint Columcille.
Sharon : [turns around to see a ghost; scared, she screams] Oh! Jack!
Jack : [runs over to her, she is in the bathtub but the ghost is gone] Honey, what is it?
Sharon : [almost hysterical] Where have you been? There was a MAN in my bathtub! A big, giant man, and he's scrubbing my back.
Sharon : [insultingly] And it felt good! I should've known it wasn't you!
-
[Mary has just aged 200 years]
Jack : Kiss you? Maybe we should get some moisturizer first... or some medical supervision.
-
[Sharon is flossing her teeth, seemingly unaware of Jack's presence]
Jack : Now that I'm dead, I thought I'd let you know. You're as cold as a penguin on an iceberg. You're a dwarf. Yeah, clean those choppers so you can chew up the next jerk that comes along.
Jack : [Sharon slaps him] I'm not dead?
Sharon : No, but if I were you I wouldn't make any long-term plans!
-
Mrs. Plunkett : [sees Jack, about Mary] You do love her, don't you?
Jack : Yeah, I guess I do. I - I don't know.
Mrs. Plunkett : Then what's the problem then?
Jack : She's a ghost. She's dead, I'm alive.
[goes amazed]
Jack : How do you know all this?
Mrs. Plunkett : [smiles] I'm married to one.
-
Jack : [he and Peter Plunkett are drinking hard liquor together, and becoming friends] I don't want you to lose your castle. Not to my father-in-law, he's a son-of-a-bitch.
Peter Plunkett : Oh, my dear fellow, you're too kind. He's an unlovely combination of a son-of-a-bitch and a rat's knackers.
Jack : What's a rat's knackers?
Peter Plunkett : It's an unholy trinity of a muckraker, a gob-o'-shite and a whore's mount.
Jack : The guy's a dick.
Peter Plunkett : In a word.
-
Jack : I'm dead. So this is what it feels like. Like a hangover.
-
Jack : You're a ghost, I'm an American. It would never work out.
-
Jack : [Hesitatingly, as the suddenly 200 year + old Mary Plunkett Breogan tries to seduce him] I know looks aren't everything... but they can help *so* much!
-
Jack : Eternity's a big commitment.
