Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)

Chelcie Ross: Colonel Oats

Quotes 

• Colonel Oates : You're not strong! You're silky boys! Silk comes from the butts of Chinese Worms!

• Colonel Oats : Get down and give me... infinity.

  [they drop to the floor and start doing push-ups, with difficulty. Oats walks in a circle around them while giving them a continuous tirade of abuse] 

  Colonel Oats : You stupid, pathetic, craven little cretins...

  Bill : Dude, there's no way I can possibly do infinity push-ups!

  Ted : Maybe if he lets us do them girly-style?

  Colonel Oats : ...jokers! You petty, base, bully, bullock, bugger billies. You're not strong! You're silky boys! Silk comes from the butts of Chinese worms!

  Bill : Dude, we gotta get outta here.

  Colonel Oats : I'll eat you up like the warm, toasty little buttercakes you are...

  [Bill and Ted jump up and run away] 

  Colonel Oats : GET BACK HERE!

• Ted : Now where are we?

  [they hear footsteps] 

  Bill : Who's that?

  [a man in an army uniform is marching towards them] 

  Ted , Bill : It's Colonel Oats! No way!

  Colonel Oats : GENTLEMEN!

  [he walks right up to Ted, standing nose-to-nose] 

  Colonel Oats : Welcome to hell.

• Bill : DUDE!

  Ted : WHAT?

  Bill : Hell Sucks!

  Ted : Definitely!

  [shouts] 

  Ted : NOOOOO!

  Colonel Oates : YOU TWO-TOED, NO NOSED SALAMANDERS!

  Evil Easter Bunny : [teasing Bill and Ted]  Deacon's Easter Basket, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH!

  Granny Preston : [laughs maniacally]  HEH HEH HEH! HEH HEH HEH! HEH HEH HEH HEH!

  Colonel Oates : COME TO OATSIE!

  [charges Bill and Ted] 

  Evil Easter Bunny : [teasing repeatedly]  Deacon's Easter Basket, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH!

  Granny Preston : ALL I WANT IS ONE! RIGHT ON THE LIPS!

  [charging Bill and Ted] 

  Bill : Ted, there's only ONE way outta here, man!

  Ted : You're right, dude! We gotta play the Reaper.

  Grim Reaper : [the Reaper enters Bill and Ted in the Darkness]  Choose your game. But if you lose, you will stay here in hell, forever.

• Colonel Oates : [Bill and Ted find themselves in boot camp for all eternity]  GENTLEMEN! Welcome to Hell.

  Ted : No way...

  Colonel Oates : WHAT?

  Ted : Uh... no way, sir?

  Colonel Oates : You two will do whatever I tell you to do from now on. Is that clear?

  Bill : Yes sir, dude.

  Colonel Oates : WHAT?

  Bill : Yes dude, sir.

  Colonel Oates : WHAT?

  Bill : Yes sir! Sir! Dude!