Clifford (1994)

Charles Grodin: Martin Daniels

Photos 

Quotes 

• Clifford : Uncle Martin, save me...! Uncle Martin?

  Martin Daniels : I'm thinking it over!

  Clifford : Please? I'm scared!

  Martin Daniels : Well, I'm scared about what might happen if I save you. You know, I should do mankind a tremendous favor and let that dinosaur eat you. I mean, who knows what horrors you might unleash, or what if you got your hands on some plutonium?

  [mocking Clifford] 

  Martin Daniels : "I just made the bestest nuclear bomb in the whole wide world."

• Martin Daniels : If you even look at me wrong. If you do one thing that I find weird, which is, you know, like, your middle name... See? You're doing it right now. Can you just act like a human boy for one minute here? Look at me like a person! You can't do it for more than a few seconds. Look at me like a human boy!

• Martin Daniels : [gets furious again]  I suppose Sarah's father also put the hot sauce in my drink!

  Clifford : That I don't know.

  Martin Daniels : You don't?

  Clifford : No.

  Martin Daniels : [yells]  You don't?

  Clifford : No.

  Martin Daniels : You *don't*?

  Clifford : No!

  Martin Daniels : [yells]  You have no idea who did that?

  Clifford : I would suspect the bartender. Theory.

  Martin Daniels : [screams]  Well, you know, I would suspect someone else! Now who could that be?

  Clifford : If you are about to say what I think you're about to say, then I don't wanna hear it! Because Sarah Davis loves you, Uncle Martin. She wouldn't do that. Oh, she has problems with you, but every relationship goes with that.

  [Martin frowns incredulously] 

  Clifford : Oh... oh, y-you don't think it was me.

  [tries to grab him] 

  Clifford : Oh, Uncle Martin...

  Martin Daniels : Ah!

  [pulls away from him; screams again] 

  Martin Daniels : And I had to be made naked in the jail! I was strip searched! I was humiliated!

  Clifford : [sobs]  I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made the tape. Oh God, it was wrong, Uncle Martin. Then why did I do it? Why? I think I know why. Because I was so angry at you for having promised that you would take me to Dinosaur World and then breaking that promise, Uncle Martin.

  Martin Daniels : [yells]  What is it with you and Dinosaur World? It's a sick thing! It's like you're obsessed with this Dinosaur World!

  Clifford : I believe that Dinosaur World is the only place where a boy like me can be happy.

• Clifford : Any luck with that chocolate?

  Martin Daniels : [mocking Clifford]  Any luck with that chocolate? Any luck with that chocolate?

• Martin Daniels : Well there it is, Clifford, Dinosaur World. Are you happy?

  Clifford : I'd say I'm the happiest boy in the whole wide world, Uncle Mental Case.

  Martin Daniels : I'm the mental case? You're the one in the strait jacket.

  Clifford : I imagine when they put you in yours, you'll need a much larger one, sir.

  Martin Daniels : That's cute.

• Sarah Davis : See Clifford, didn't I tell you everything would be alright?

  Clifford : Yes you did Miss Sarah, but I don't like those men. They're liars, and everybody knows that liars eventually get caught.

  Martin Daniels : Yeah that's right you little peckerhead.

• Gerald Ellis : Where have you been? You should've been here an hour ago, I've been listening to this idiot for... What are you looking at?

  Martin Daniels : Nothing.

  Gerald Ellis : Good. Did you make the changes on the model?

  Martin Daniels : Yes I made the changes on the model.

  Gerald Ellis : Yeah but you didn't shave. We got the entire press court here, you look like shit.

  Martin Daniels : I look like shit? Well you look like Willie Nelson.

• Martin Daniels : What do you mean you're out of chocolate? How can that be?

  Cashier : Everybody want chocolate. I'm out of chocolate.

  Martin Daniels : I NEED CHOCOLATE!

  Cashier : Alright, alright, I might have an Easter Bunny left over in the frige.

  Martin Daniels : [grabs him by the lapels]  Get me the bunny!

• Martin Daniels : Listen to me. Listen to me a minute.

  [Places Stephen in the center of the table] 

  Martin Daniels : Just leave the dinosaur there, I'm trying to tell you something. When I... When I was a little boy... You know, you touch the dinosaur, I'm gonna kill you.

  Clifford : Stephen wanted to stand here.

  Martin Daniels : Give it to me! I'll rip its head off! Give it to me! God almighty, Boy! Now listen to me, I'm trying to tell you something to help you. When I was a little boy growing up in Chicago, there was this great amusement park called Riverview. Your father tell you about it?

  Clifford : Yes.

  Martin Daniels : I thought that was the only place where a boy like me could be happy but my father never took me there. And then one day, they tore it down before I ever got a chance to go. I understand how you feel.

  Clifford : Does it ever get easier, Uncle Martin?

  Martin Daniels : Not really.

• Martin Daniels : Don't worry about Clifford, he'll be fine if you give him a ton of sugar and a book about Hitler.

• [Martin and Clifford are waving goodbye to Sarah as she heads for San Francisco] 

  Martin Daniels : [growls angrily under his teeth]  Get in the car!

  [Back at Martin's house, Martin is furious with Clifford for getting him charged for a crime he didn't commit] 

  Martin Daniels : [furious]  I am now out on bail. Are you listening to me?

  [yells] 

  Martin Daniels : Are you?

  Clifford : [solemn]  Yes, I am.

  Martin Daniels : I have a criminal record. But you know what you're gonna have?

  Clifford : What?

  Martin Daniels : You're gonna have a one-way ticket back to your parents!

  Clifford : [freaks out]  Don't send me back to my parents! They hate me!

  Martin Daniels : [screams]  Not as much as I DO!

  [Clifford sobs] 

  Martin Daniels : Oh, stop with the fake tears!

  Clifford : I'm not faking! I am sorry! I'll admit anything! Just don't send me back to my parents! I'll even tell Miss Sarah that I was the one who put the lipstick in your pocket, which I didn't. It was her father. He wanted to embarass you. He said that you were a simple-minded moron.

  Martin Daniels : Sarah's father called me a moron?

  Clifford : Simple-minded moron.

  Martin Daniels : And Sarah's father put the lipstick in my pocket?

  Clifford : Yes.

  Martin Daniels : [calms down briefly]  Why would he do that?

  Clifford : 'Cause he hates you! I don't know why. I surely think you're a nice-enough sort.

• Sarah Davis : Martin, you need help.

  Martin Daniels : He's the one who needs help! Go ahead and take him away but don't blame me when his head starts spinning around! Watch out for the green vomit!

• [Clifford procures Stephen from Uncle Martin] 

  Clifford : He says please don't hurt him, he's the only one left in his family.

  Martin Daniels : Just go to your room and write your confession! Pretty soon there won't be anyone left in his family!

• Martin Daniels : Hi, this is Martin Daniels, I'm not home right now but I got a bomb under city hall. Talk to you later.

• Sarah Davis : You are such a baby. Clifford should be babysitting you.

  Martin Daniels : No thanks, I prefer babysitters who aren't affiliated with the Manson family.

• Clifford : How many years you think you'll get for kidnapping me, Uncle Ten-Most-Wanted?

  Martin Daniels : Life. Let's go a little faster shall we?

• Martin Daniels : [on his answering machine recording]  This is Martin Daniels. I'm not home but I got a bomb under City Hall.

• Clifford : I'm sorry

  Martin Daniels : [pushes Clifford away as he tries to hug him]  NO, NO, Clifford don't, I don't want to hug you. I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to hug you.

  Clifford : But I really am sorry.

  Martin Daniels : You really are sorry?, you know sorrow is a human emotion, and as we know, you are not a human boy, you're just, this, this destructive thing who everyone will eventually get to hate you... LET'S GO!

  Clifford : Well if you really feel that way, then why should I go with you?

  Martin Daniels : THEN DON'T!... it's your choice.

• Martin Daniels : Gee I don't like him!

• Martin Daniels : Here's the deal: Go to your room, write a confession that I'll take to the police, I will not send you back to your parents, and you tell Sarah that you and I are the best of friends.

  Clifford : And we are, aren't we?

  Martin Daniels : Shut up.

• Clifford : I love you, Uncle Martin.

  Martin Daniels : And I love you too, Clinton.

  Clifford : Clifford.

• Martin Daniels : I have heard that Clifford is a very special boy.

  Julien : Where is that little monster?

• Martin Daniels : That was so embarrassing with Mr. Ellis. Please don't ever tell someone that they have a nice wig.

  Clifford : I said it was the bestest-looking wig I ever saw. It was a compliment.

  Martin Daniels : He says he doesn't wear a wig, and a person doesn't take it as a compliment if you say, "Nice wig".

  Clifford : But I didn't say "Nice wig", Uncle Martin, I said "Bestest-looking wig". I believe there is a difference.

• Gerald Ellis : I don't believe we've met.

  Martin Daniels : Oh, this is Miss...

  Gerald Ellis : Miss Sarah Davis. Yes, I'm well aware.

• Martin Daniels : You want me to redesign the entire model in two days?

  Gerald Ellis : Look, the bottom line is you've got to move the train line.

  Martin Daniels : Wha...

  Gerald Ellis : Yes, two miles.

  Martin Daniels : But... That's impossible, that would put the train line - That's right through the Sepulveda dam!

  Gerald Ellis : Oh. That's not good... Well you'll come up with something. Just hole up for a few days, drink alot of coffee, and blah blah blah, and you being the top man I know you are, you'll hit another home run for us just like you always do. You all right?

  Martin Daniels : No.

  Gerald Ellis : Good man.

• Clifford : Tell me when this is all over, how many years do you think you'll get for kidnapping me, Uncle 10-Most-Wanted?

  Martin Daniels : Life. Let's go a little faster, shall we?

• Martin Daniels : I've underestimated the evil one!

• Gerald Ellis : Who the hell is responsible for this?

  Martin Daniels : I am

  Gerald Ellis : Well, you're fired!

  Martin Daniels : [sarcastically]  Of course I am!

  Gerald Ellis : Oh and by the way, I happen to love Willie Nelson.

• Martin Daniels : Climb aboard Clifford! Are you excited, Clifford?

  Clifford : Yes, 'cause it has always been my dream, Uncle Martin.

  Martin Daniels : Yeah, the same way as building a transit system was always my dream.

  Clifford : Why do you say "was"? Did something happen to it?

  Martin Daniels : [mocking Clifford]  "Did something happen to it?" We'll see how you feel about your dream after being on the ride for ten hours.

  Clifford : Ten hours! I'd say i'd like it even more!

  Martin Daniels : Then we'll see how you would feel after 100 hours.

• Martin Daniels : I got a bombshell for you, young man, I'm the boss around here and you can't fight city hall.

• [Clifford finishes going through a fast version of the Larry the Scary Rex ride] 

  Martin Daniels : Was that scary?

  Clifford : Not at all! You know, a thought occurred to me. You think that Miss Sarah and Mr. Ellis, perhaps would name their...

  [shouts] 

  Clifford : First child "Martin"?

  Martin Daniels : That is so cute. You know, Clifford, I really shouldn't put this into hyperdrive, but I just can't seem to help myself... oh, well.

  [triggers ride] 

• [Martin is still scolding Clifford] 

  Martin Daniels : Let's just forget about the wig. But I gotta punish you, and that means Dinosaur World is out!

  Clifford : I don't understand.

  Martin Daniels : I've got a bombshell for you, young man: I happen to be the boss in this house and you cannot fight City Hall.

  Clifford : But you know, Uncle Martin, someone as wise and worldly as you would realize that breaking a little boy's promise and punishing him for it would be a terrible, terrible thing. I imagine that little boy wouldn't be responsible for what he was gonna do next.

  Martin Daniels : [turns angrier]  See now, that sounds like a threat to me and I don't like threats. So you're gonna spend the rest of the day in your room. Now you march up there, young man. March!

• Martin Daniels : Okay, I've got 20 hours. I can do it if I don't panic.

• Clifford : Hello, Uncle Martin. Are we ready to go to Dinosaur World now?

  Martin Daniels : Uh, Clifford... I've got some bad news.

  [cuts to Clifford forces Uncle Martin to drive the car] 

  Martin Daniels : I can't take you right now!

  Clifford : Turn back, Uncle Martin! The freeway to Dinosaur World is back there!

  Martin Daniels : Oh, you're gonna make us crash!

  Clifford : Then, so be it.