Clifford (1994)

Martin Short: Clifford Daniels

Photos 

Quotes 

• Clifford : Uncle Martin, save me...! Uncle Martin?

  Martin Daniels : I'm thinking it over!

  Clifford : Please? I'm scared!

  Martin Daniels : Well, I'm scared about what might happen if I save you. You know, I should do mankind a tremendous favor and let that dinosaur eat you. I mean, who knows what horrors you might unleash, or what if you got your hands on some plutonium?

  [mocking Clifford] 

  Martin Daniels : "I just made the bestest nuclear bomb in the whole wide world."

• Clifford : Don't reject me, Uncle Martin!

• Martin Daniels : [gets furious again]  I suppose Sarah's father also put the hot sauce in my drink!

  Clifford : That I don't know.

  Martin Daniels : You don't?

  Clifford : No.

  Martin Daniels : [yells]  You don't?

  Clifford : No.

  Martin Daniels : You *don't*?

  Clifford : No!

  Martin Daniels : [yells]  You have no idea who did that?

  Clifford : I would suspect the bartender. Theory.

  Martin Daniels : [screams]  Well, you know, I would suspect someone else! Now who could that be?

  Clifford : If you are about to say what I think you're about to say, then I don't wanna hear it! Because Sarah Davis loves you, Uncle Martin. She wouldn't do that. Oh, she has problems with you, but every relationship goes with that.

  [Martin frowns incredulously] 

  Clifford : Oh... oh, y-you don't think it was me.

  [tries to grab him] 

  Clifford : Oh, Uncle Martin...

  Martin Daniels : Ah!

  [pulls away from him; screams again] 

  Martin Daniels : And I had to be made naked in the jail! I was strip searched! I was humiliated!

  Clifford : [sobs]  I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made the tape. Oh God, it was wrong, Uncle Martin. Then why did I do it? Why? I think I know why. Because I was so angry at you for having promised that you would take me to Dinosaur World and then breaking that promise, Uncle Martin.

  Martin Daniels : [yells]  What is it with you and Dinosaur World? It's a sick thing! It's like you're obsessed with this Dinosaur World!

  Clifford : I believe that Dinosaur World is the only place where a boy like me can be happy.

• Clifford : Any luck with that chocolate?

  Martin Daniels : [mocking Clifford]  Any luck with that chocolate? Any luck with that chocolate?

• Martin Daniels : Well there it is, Clifford, Dinosaur World. Are you happy?

  Clifford : I'd say I'm the happiest boy in the whole wide world, Uncle Mental Case.

  Martin Daniels : I'm the mental case? You're the one in the strait jacket.

  Clifford : I imagine when they put you in yours, you'll need a much larger one, sir.

  Martin Daniels : That's cute.

• Sarah Davis : See Clifford, didn't I tell you everything would be alright?

  Clifford : Yes you did Miss Sarah, but I don't like those men. They're liars, and everybody knows that liars eventually get caught.

  Martin Daniels : Yeah that's right you little peckerhead.

• Clifford : You wouldn't lie to me, would you Uncle Martin? 'Cause if you did I'd be so angry I don't know what I'd do.

• Martin Daniels : Listen to me. Listen to me a minute.

  [Places Stephen in the center of the table] 

  Martin Daniels : Just leave the dinosaur there, I'm trying to tell you something. When I... When I was a little boy... You know, you touch the dinosaur, I'm gonna kill you.

  Clifford : Stephen wanted to stand here.

  Martin Daniels : Give it to me! I'll rip its head off! Give it to me! God almighty, Boy! Now listen to me, I'm trying to tell you something to help you. When I was a little boy growing up in Chicago, there was this great amusement park called Riverview. Your father tell you about it?

  Clifford : Yes.

  Martin Daniels : I thought that was the only place where a boy like me could be happy but my father never took me there. And then one day, they tore it down before I ever got a chance to go. I understand how you feel.

  Clifford : Does it ever get easier, Uncle Martin?

  Martin Daniels : Not really.

• [Martin and Clifford are waving goodbye to Sarah as she heads for San Francisco] 

  Martin Daniels : [growls angrily under his teeth]  Get in the car!

  [Back at Martin's house, Martin is furious with Clifford for getting him charged for a crime he didn't commit] 

  Martin Daniels : [furious]  I am now out on bail. Are you listening to me?

  [yells] 

  Martin Daniels : Are you?

  Clifford : [solemn]  Yes, I am.

  Martin Daniels : I have a criminal record. But you know what you're gonna have?

  Clifford : What?

  Martin Daniels : You're gonna have a one-way ticket back to your parents!

  Clifford : [freaks out]  Don't send me back to my parents! They hate me!

  Martin Daniels : [screams]  Not as much as I DO!

  [Clifford sobs] 

  Martin Daniels : Oh, stop with the fake tears!

  Clifford : I'm not faking! I am sorry! I'll admit anything! Just don't send me back to my parents! I'll even tell Miss Sarah that I was the one who put the lipstick in your pocket, which I didn't. It was her father. He wanted to embarass you. He said that you were a simple-minded moron.

  Martin Daniels : Sarah's father called me a moron?

  Clifford : Simple-minded moron.

  Martin Daniels : And Sarah's father put the lipstick in my pocket?

  Clifford : Yes.

  Martin Daniels : [calms down briefly]  Why would he do that?

  Clifford : 'Cause he hates you! I don't know why. I surely think you're a nice-enough sort.

• Clifford : I think you're the bestest uncle in the whole wide world!

• Woman on Plane : Would you please stop hitting the back of my chair? I am trying to sleep!

  Clifford : I'm sorry, Miss Nice Older Person, but I don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps you were just having a nightmare about your early days in the circus.

  Woman on Plane : One more word out of you and I'll call the flight attendant.

  [Throws Stephen back at Clifford] 

  Clifford : Wasn't nice of the mean old lady to smash your collarbone was it, Stephen?

• [Clifford procures Stephen from Uncle Martin] 

  Clifford : He says please don't hurt him, he's the only one left in his family.

  Martin Daniels : Just go to your room and write your confession! Pretty soon there won't be anyone left in his family!

• Clifford : Hi, this is Clifford. I can't tell you where my Uncle Martin is right now but I'll give you a hint: kaboom!

• Clifford : How many years you think you'll get for kidnapping me, Uncle Ten-Most-Wanted?

  Martin Daniels : Life. Let's go a little faster shall we?

• Clifford : Oh Uncle Martin, I am so glad you're here. I got on the train to run away, but a person tried to touch my no-no special place! And when I got back, there were bikers here. And they tied me up, Uncle Martin, and then they told me stories that they do on their bikes. Some of them were fun but some of them were scary!

• Clifford : I'm sorry

  Martin Daniels : [pushes Clifford away as he tries to hug him]  NO, NO, Clifford don't, I don't want to hug you. I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to hug you.

  Clifford : But I really am sorry.

  Martin Daniels : You really are sorry?, you know sorrow is a human emotion, and as we know, you are not a human boy, you're just, this, this destructive thing who everyone will eventually get to hate you... LET'S GO!

  Clifford : Well if you really feel that way, then why should I go with you?

  Martin Daniels : THEN DON'T!... it's your choice.

• Clifford : When we land in Los Angeles, can we then immediately go to Dinosaur World?

  Julien : How many times do I have to tell you, son? The plane does not go to Los Angeles. It goes directly to Honolulu.

  Clifford : But how can that be, pappy?

  Julien : How can what be?

  Clifford : That on my birthday of all days, I can be so close to Dinosaur World and yet so far away.

  Julien : Don't you start with me. Your birthday was six months ago.

  Theodora Daniels : Clifford. Daddy's on a business, a business trip. And this is not a vacation. No.

  Julien : So, will you drop this Dinosaur World thing for five seconds, huh! Would you do that for me? Huh? Would you? Oh, boy. You're driving me crazy!

• Martin Daniels : Here's the deal: Go to your room, write a confession that I'll take to the police, I will not send you back to your parents, and you tell Sarah that you and I are the best of friends.

  Clifford : And we are, aren't we?

  Martin Daniels : Shut up.

• Clifford : I love you, Uncle Martin.

  Martin Daniels : And I love you too, Clinton.

  Clifford : Clifford.

• Martin Daniels : That was so embarrassing with Mr. Ellis. Please don't ever tell someone that they have a nice wig.

  Clifford : I said it was the bestest-looking wig I ever saw. It was a compliment.

  Martin Daniels : He says he doesn't wear a wig, and a person doesn't take it as a compliment if you say, "Nice wig".

  Clifford : But I didn't say "Nice wig", Uncle Martin, I said "Bestest-looking wig". I believe there is a difference.

• Parker : What do you want to be when you grow up, Clifford?

  Clifford : A dinosaur!

• [as Martin and Clifford hug, Clifford steals Stephen the plastic dinosaur from Martin's back pocket and has him pretend to walk back to him] 

  Clifford : Stephen walked back!

• Clifford : Oh, you mean Uncle Martin... Scary... *Scary* Uncle Martin.

• Clifford : Tell me when this is all over, how many years do you think you'll get for kidnapping me, Uncle 10-Most-Wanted?

  Martin Daniels : Life. Let's go a little faster, shall we?

• Martin Daniels : Climb aboard Clifford! Are you excited, Clifford?

  Clifford : Yes, 'cause it has always been my dream, Uncle Martin.

  Martin Daniels : Yeah, the same way as building a transit system was always my dream.

  Clifford : Why do you say "was"? Did something happen to it?

  Martin Daniels : [mocking Clifford]  "Did something happen to it?" We'll see how you feel about your dream after being on the ride for ten hours.

  Clifford : Ten hours! I'd say i'd like it even more!

  Martin Daniels : Then we'll see how you would feel after 100 hours.

• [Clifford finishes going through a fast version of the Larry the Scary Rex ride] 

  Martin Daniels : Was that scary?

  Clifford : Not at all! You know, a thought occurred to me. You think that Miss Sarah and Mr. Ellis, perhaps would name their...

  [shouts] 

  Clifford : First child "Martin"?

  Martin Daniels : That is so cute. You know, Clifford, I really shouldn't put this into hyperdrive, but I just can't seem to help myself... oh, well.

  [triggers ride] 

• [Martin is still scolding Clifford] 

  Martin Daniels : Let's just forget about the wig. But I gotta punish you, and that means Dinosaur World is out!

  Clifford : I don't understand.

  Martin Daniels : I've got a bombshell for you, young man: I happen to be the boss in this house and you cannot fight City Hall.

  Clifford : But you know, Uncle Martin, someone as wise and worldly as you would realize that breaking a little boy's promise and punishing him for it would be a terrible, terrible thing. I imagine that little boy wouldn't be responsible for what he was gonna do next.

  Martin Daniels : [turns angrier]  See now, that sounds like a threat to me and I don't like threats. So you're gonna spend the rest of the day in your room. Now you march up there, young man. March!

• Clifford : My heart... it hurts!

• Clifford : Hello, Uncle Martin. Are we ready to go to Dinosaur World now?

  Martin Daniels : Uh, Clifford... I've got some bad news.

  [cuts to Clifford forces Uncle Martin to drive the car] 

  Martin Daniels : I can't take you right now!

  Clifford : Turn back, Uncle Martin! The freeway to Dinosaur World is back there!

  Martin Daniels : Oh, you're gonna make us crash!

  Clifford : Then, so be it.