Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

Paul Adelstein: Wrigley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wrigley : Uh, I'll just have a, um, salad, please. Um, baby field greens.

  Nero's Waitress : What did you call me?

  Wrigley : Uh, no, I-I... I-I didn't call you anything.

  Nero's Waitress : You want a salad?

  Wrigley : Yeah. Do you... Do you have a, uh, green salad?

  Nero's Waitress : What the fuck color would it be?

• Rex Rexroth : Have you sat before her before?

  Miles Massey : No. No, the judge sits first. Then we sit.

  Rex Rexroth : Well, have you sat after her before?

  Wrigley : Sat after her before? You mean, have we argued before her before?

  Miles Massey : The judge sits in judgment. The counsel argues before the judge.

  Rex Rexroth : So, have you argued before her before?

  Wrigley : Before her before, or before she sat before?

  Rex Rexroth : Before her before. I said, before her before.

  Wrigley : No, you said before she sat before.

  Rex Rexroth : I did at first, but...

  Miles Massey : Look, don't argue.

  Rex Rexroth : I'm not. I'm...

  Wrigley : No, you don't argue. We argue.

  Miles Massey : Counsel argues.

  Wrigley : You appear.

  Miles Massey : The judge sits.

  Wrigley : Then you sit.

  Miles Massey : Or you stand in contempt.

  Wrigley : And then we argue.

  Miles Massey : The counsel argues.

  Rex Rexroth : Which you've done before.

  Miles Massey : Which we've done before.

  Rex Rexroth : Ah.

  Wrigley : But not before her.

• Miles Massey : Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Henry the Eighth. What do they have in common?

  Wrigley : [thinks]  Middle name?

• Miles Massey : I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.

  Marylin Rexroth : Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.

  Freddy Bender : No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.

  Wrigley : Hear, hear.

  Freddy Bender : Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house.

  Wrigley : Miles's house.

  Freddy Bender : Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.

• Wrigley : Why are we eating here?

  Nero's Waitress : What's his problem?

  Miles Massey : Just bring him an iceberg lettuce and a mealy tomato wedge smothered with French Dressing.

  Nero's Waitress : And for you?

  Miles Massey : Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.

  Nero's Waitress : Slaw Cup?

  Miles Massey : What the hell.

• Wrigley : Who needs a home when you've got a colostomy bag?

• Wrigley : What do you think?

  Miles Massey : What are they, ladles?

  Wrigley : Berry spoons.

  Miles Massey : Spoons?

  Wrigley : Berry spoons. Everybody has spoons.

  Miles Massey : And nobody *needs* berry spoons.

  Wrigley : Everybody eats berries.

  Miles Massey : Who are you, Pollyanna? Where'd you see 'em at? A Martha Stewart catalog right next to the silver napkin rings? Stadium seat ass-warmers?

• Wrigley : Who are you looking for?

  Miles Massey : Tenzing Norgay.

  Wrigley : Tenzing Norgay? That's someone she slept with?

  Miles Massey : I doubt it. Tenzing Norgay was the Sherpa that helped Edmund Hillary climb Mt. Everest.

  Wrigley : And Marylin knows him?

  Miles Massey : No, you idiot. Not the Tenzing Norgay. Her Tenzing Norgay.

  Wrigley : I'm not sure that I actually follow that.

  Miles Massey : Few great accomplishments are achieved single-handedly, Wrigley. Most have their Norgays. Marylin Rexroth is even now climbing her Everest. I wanna find her Norgay.

  Wrigley : But how do you determine which of the people on here are...

  Miles Massey : How do you spot a Norgay?

  Wrigley : Yeah.

  Miles Massey : You start with the people with the funny names.

• [Wheezy Joe has just accidentally shot himself] 

  Wrigley : Told him it was no go...

• Wrigley : Rex, sit!

• [the two are sneaking into what used to be Miles' house, now Marylin's, to find Wheezy Joe] 

  Miles Massey : Looks like she's gone... looks like she bought it.

  Wrigley : Good stuff! There's no one here.

  Miles Massey : Except for the rottweilers.

  [Uncaps and shakes his can of mace] 

  Wrigley : Sure, rottweilers.

  [Also uncaps and shakes his can of mace] 

  Miles Massey : Go that way.

  [They sneak away in opposite directions] 

• Miles Massey : Your Honor, I call Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

  Bailiff : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

  Guard #1 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

  Guard #2 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

  Guard #3 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

  Freddy Bender : Problem?

  Marylin Rexroth : Puffy.

  Guard #4 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

  Wrigley : Tenzing Norgay.

• Wrigley : You had a guy break into her house and photograph her address book?

  Miles Massey : No, Wrigley. I happened to let a man know that I was interested in her address book.

• Wrigley : Rex Rexworth kept everything. You win, no compromise. Isn't that what you wanted? Good God, Miles. What are you looking for?

  Miles Massey : I don't know.

• Miles Massey : I intend to devote myself to pro-bono work in East Los Angeles, or one of those other... God bless you all.

  Wrigley : I love you, man.

• Wrigley : Thank God you have the pre-nup.

  Miles Massey : I have no pre-nup.

  Wrigley : You have no pre-nup.

  Miles Massey : I have no pre-nup.

  Howard D. Doyle : [distorted]  You have no pre-nup.

  Wrigley , Miles Massey : Aaaaaagh!