Barney Miller (TV Series)

Ambush (1975)

Dick O'Neill: Detective Kelly

Quotes 

• Capt. Barney Miller : Draw Mr. Ditka some 30 caliber ammunition.

  Emil Ditka : What for?

  Capt. Barney Miller : Well, we could use the extra firepower, Mr. Ditka. That's an ambush. They want to kill police officers. A wonderful opportunity.

  Emil Ditka : Oh, well now wait a minute. We've only been on maneuvers a couple of times...

  Capt. Barney Miller : What? Practical experience is the best experience, you're gonna love it.

  Emil Ditka : Wait! I don't know if I can get the guys together. Larry's a fry cook, he doesn't get off till 4:30.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Come alone.

  Emil Ditka : No! No, not me. I never shot nobody in my life. You see, we just use silhouettes, cans, birds...

  Detective Kelly : Birds? You shoot little birds?

  Emil Ditka : Well yeah-but we really don't shoot to kill...

  Capt. Barney Miller : Here's your opportunity, 'c'mon!

  Emil Ditka : No, no you can't make me go! You can't make me shoot anybody.

  Capt. Barney Miller : I thought that's what you wanted.

  Emil Ditka : ...You're crazy! You cops are crazy!... no wonder people don't like you.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Okay Mr. Ditka, it's a wonderful opportunity; you blew it.

  Emil Ditka : Blood-thirsty devils!

• Detective Kelly : Well, here I am back home again at the United Nations. "Bony Diaz" , Chano

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Yeah. Yeah. How you doin' Kelly?

  Detective Kelly : Ah, Benny, Benny. How are things up in your neighborhood

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Uh, much better, now that we're moving to Central Park West

  Detective Kelly : Central Park West ? That's a pretty rich neighborhood? How can your people do that ?

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : It's a community thing, it's called revolution

  Detective Kelly : Your putting me on !

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Only for a while

• Capt. Barney Miller : Hello, there, Kelly, to what do we owe this pleasure?

  Detective Kelly : Detective Third Grade Eugene Kelly, reporting for duty. I've been assigned to your squad

  Capt. Barney Miller : What for ?

  Detective Kelly : Manhattan South said you were short handed, so they sent me over. The department likes to keep a guy like me moving around

  Capt. Barney Miller : I can understand that.

  Detective Kelly : Only I, uh, I don't like replacing a guy who just bought the farm

  Capt. Barney Miller : Yemana hasn't bought anything more serious than a week on his stomach. Relax. That's his desk over here.

  Detective Kelly : Oh, hey Barney, do I got to use his desk ?

  Capt. Barney Miller : He won't mind.

• Detective Kelly : Hey, Fish, what happened to Yemana ? Was he cleaning his gun or something ?

  Det. Phil Fish : He was ambushed ?

  Detective Kelly : Ambushed ? Just because he's a Japanese ? Boy, some guys always are trying to get even.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Just some guy who don't like cops.

  Detective Kelly : You know, there's more and more of that. You know, people use to like cops. Back in the old days, we use to be George Murphy, Phil Regan, Pat O'Brien. Nowadays, we're Al Pacino, Richard Roundtree. No wonder, we're getting ambushed

• Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey Barn, excuse me, uh, this is Emil Ditka. We found him up on a roof with that rifle . It hadn't been fired yet.

  Emil Ditka : Not yet?

  Capt. Barney Miller : Were you, uh, planning on firing this Mr. Ditka ?

  Emil Ditka : If the need arises and the opportunity presents itself. Que sera , sera, right ?

  Capt. Barney Miller : I assume this is registered with the police department ?

  Emil Ditka : Yes, its registered.

  Detective Kelly : Check it out Kelly ?

  Detective Kelly : Yeah, right away Captain.

• Detective Kelly : They say war ain't suppose to be fun. But that one's close as you can get

• Detective Kelly : Holy cow... what a stink ? What you guys do, come back by way of Newark ?

• Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, hold on a second. I don't believe it, that's Florida again.

  Capt. Barney Miller : For me or for Fish ?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : It's for Kelly

  Detective Kelly : Well.. you see Barney, yesterday, I put out a few feelers. Can I take it in your office, Barney?

  Capt. Barney Miller : That's what it's for ?

• Detective Kelly : Give me your phone number ?... Yeah... And the address ? Okay, we'll send somebody right over. Thank you. We got a Burglary on 17th Street. Some broad got her apartment rifled.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey. That could be another set-up. Come on Kelly.

  Detective Kelly : Uh. Wh-what do mean, "Come on Kelly ?". I just got here . I'm still unpacking. I'm trying to get acclimatized, you know ?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, come on, Harris and Chano had their shot, it's our turn ?

  Detective Kelly : Yeah, well listen,I don't want to muscle in on another guy's collar.

  Det. Phil Fish : I'll go

  Detective Kelly : Yeah, yeah, sure, go . You got seniority

  Capt. Barney Miller : You'd better verify that call

  Detective Kelly : Yeah, yeah, good idea, Fish, why don't you verify that call ?

  [turns to Wojo] 

  Detective Kelly : I mean, come on, will you, hey ? That's a rookie trick, muscle in on another guy's collar. Back in the old days, cops didn't do things like that.

  Det. Phil Fish : Hello ? Madam ? This is Detective Fish at the Twelfth Precinct. Did you just place a call to report a burglary in your apartment ? We'll send someone right over. You did ? Thank you. We're glad to hear about that . We'll send someone right over ?

  Capt. Barney Miller : Legitimate ?

  Det. Phil Fish : She lost everything.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Hold it. Wojo, take Kelly with you.

  Detective Kelly : Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. I'm glad to go. You don't want to walk into an ambush. You got a pad ?

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, I got a pad.

  Detective Kelly : All right, let's mount up

  Capt. Barney Miller : Keep your eyes open , you hear ?

  Det. Phil Fish : Yeah, don't worry.

• Detective Kelly : Over hill, over dale, and .. hey, one , two. Your old army bunkmate -- always keeps you company, never gets pregnant

• Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Twelfth Precinct, Detective Sergeant Amenguale speaking... W-would you repeat that please?... Yes, yes, I'm writing it down. Uh-huh very good, thank you. We should be there between ten to fifteen minutes. Thank you very much, goodbye. Barney, I swear to you that is the same guy who called me yesterday

  Det. Ron Harris : Here we go round two

  Capt. Barney Miller : This time we're all going. Wojo, draw some weapons. Meet you downstairs.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Okay, Captain

  Capt. Barney Miller : Fish, better get your excitement while you can.

  Detective Kelly : Checks out, Barney. It's registered, all right.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Okay, give it back to him. Wait... Draw Mr. Ditka some 38 caliber ammunition.