Barney Miller (TV Series)
Graft (1975)
Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller
Photos
Quotes
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, Barney? If a police officer loses his badge, does he report it to his superior or just wait til somebody turns it in?
Capt. Barney Miller : He reports it to his superior officer.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I lost my badge.
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Det. Phil Fish : [talking about Kelly] He was probably snooping around into our personnel files and came up with something really big.
Capt. Barney Miller : Like what?
Det. Phil Fish : Like the fact that I cheated on my income tax.
Capt. Barney Miller : When was that?
Det. Phil Fish : About nine, ten years ago. I went to a police convention in San Francisco, and I deducted all the expenses for Bernice.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : There's nothing illegal about that.
Det. Phil Fish : Yes, there is. I didn't take Bernice.
Capt. Barney Miller : Did the I.R.S. find out about it?
Det. Phil Fish : Yeah, they disallowed it and they took it out the next year.
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, if you're straight with the government, Kelly can't hurt you.
Det. Phil Fish : I'm not worried about Kelly, I'm worried about Bernice.
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Capt. Barney Miller : [to Kelly] How do you like narcotics?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : They haven't helped him a bit.
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Kelly's been promoted. Yeah, he's a snooper now.
Capt. Barney Miller : Internal affairs?
[Kelly nods]
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Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Hey, Barney, do you think Kelly's just a big mouth or is he really going to try to make trouble?
Capt. Barney Miller : I think Kelly is just a big mouth who is really going to try to make trouble.
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Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : I think Kelly's on to something international. He's after me.
Capt. Barney Miller : What did you do?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Me? I didn't do anything, but my brother-in-law is New York illegally from Argentina.
Capt. Barney Miller : Where is he?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : He's hiding in the cellar of a condemned rat-infested building on the West Side. Right across the street.
Capt. Barney Miller : Well, you better do something about it before Immigration finds out.
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Yeah, well, I told him, "Hey, you gotta go back to South America, get a visa, then come back to the United States, to New York, take the test, and then become a citizen of the United States."
Capt. Barney Miller : What did he say to that?
Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : He don't think it's worth it.
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Capt. Barney Miller : What are you looking at ?
Elizabeth Miller : I'm thinking you don't discuss police business, the way you don't drink
Capt. Barney Miller : A man has to drink and talk with someone
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Capt. Barney Miller : You never forget that your the wife of a police man, your not suppose to be obligated to anyone .
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Capt. Barney Miller : Kelly is after someone in a position of authority, looking for someone who has been doing a little chiseling under the table. Somebody whose wife has been doing a little chiseling under the table
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Capt. Barney Miller : All right Gentleman, we have all purged our souls, life goes on : Yemana - that's a police phone not a racing wire, and Chano - see if you can convince your brother-in-law that there is still some hope for us, ah, Wojo - when you take that Sergeants exam, wear a clean shirt, Fish -...
Det. Phil Fish : Don't waste a warning on me